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Author Topic: Experience of a LBP - TIME  (Read 5660 times)

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Offline dmdaven2

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Experience of a LBP - TIME
« on: May 19, 2009, 07:41:37 PM »
Got home and wrote some thoughts for another longer letter I am comprising but decided to post this part, raw and unedited. It's really how I personally feel but I put it in the format of "we" thinking that there is some commonalities between most LBP.

Time. Time is the ultimate enemy in the quest of a left behind parent to recover his or her child from the abducting parent. Limiting the time lost is the essential factor fueling each and every abduction battle. It’s as if one is staring deep into an hour glass watching day by day as the sand slowly but surely sifts out of the top funnel and into the bottom, knowing that everyday lost is irrecoverable. The irreversible psychological trauma caused the very instant a child is abducted from the love and care of the left behind parent starts the inevitable drain of the hour glass of time. Seconds turn into minutes, minutes turn into hours, hours into days, days into weeks, weeks into months and for some…the darkest of all, those months transform into years. Years which cannot be recovered by any divine prayer or entity. Months that cannot be recovered by the most loyal supporters or group organizations. Weeks that cannot be recovered by the most loving of family and friends. Days that cannot be recovered with monetary or material value. Hours whose darkness looms nightly as the sun goes down as the minutes that led up to that hour 59 times prior persisted hastily and constantly, never to be stopped or paused. Seconds undoubtedly lost without child, whose staggering pace leaves the left behind parent in a desperate battle to end the tick of the clock, hoping that in some world or reality that time would truly stop. This unfortunately cannot be done.

Sleepless nights, where darkness finds us to be delightful guest. We are constant visitors in a realm of mystery and dream filled expectations only seen in the wee hours of the morning. As we speak constantly into the darkness, it’s as if the more we speak, the darker the night. Thinking, contemplating, of how and when we’ll reunite with our children; Planning, preparing for that faithful day our children will return; praying, wishing for that day, that beautiful day of reunification that may never come to pass.

If only the pain could reside, there’d be sleep. But to sleep is to waste valuable time. Time we wish to not waste doing something non-conducive to the cause of getting our children back. This mindset carries us through the first few months, only to dwindle to a waiting game. A game no one could ever prepare to play, or ever prepare to win. The only option when beginning this game is to play it. So here we are, waiting…waiting for the hard work and determination to yield it’s results. Waiting as we sit helplessly watching the hour glass taunt us by the second. The agony that awaits us the following day, to wake and see the hour glass is no longer half full, but half empty. Internally we near exhaustion, but externally we must continue living; living to survive, living to one day hear the news. News that instantly alleviates this burden of guilt, hate, mistrust and misfortune. News that could change our lives again forever, similarly to the day we first starred into our children’s eyes. Again we anticipate this day, knowing deep down the last time we physically spent with our children could be our last. As days go by, that vivid memory begins to lose its bright and detailed color and imagery. As weeks turn into months, that memory turns into a pale pastel with less detail and more blurred imagery yet they still elicit a smile on our faces. As months turn to years, that memory is merely a recollection of a time you once valued that brought the final moment of quality to your life; quality you never thought could diminish instantly.

We long for the day this horrible nightmare is over. A nightmare where we reach out for help to bring an end to this tragedy; and those in place to do so turn and say no. We then ask, who will help us? Who will step up and provide a solution? When will the pursuit of happiness end successfully? And lastly, the most important question embedded in the center of all us left behind parents will linger on for the very person that caused this tragic ordeal…That question will always remain in our hearts, in our minds and in our soul. That question is simply, Why?
Devon Davenport - Father of Nadia Lynn ;)

Offline ChristineS

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2009, 09:06:04 PM »
Powerful Devon.
 
When is first saw the thread title, I thought TIME was for "TIME" magazine. So how about submitting this as an article to Time, Newsweek, or other weekly? I can see it now: sometime this summer when they are permanently reunited, David and Sean are going to be on the front cover. And inside, after their story and pictures, are going to be other stories teaching the world about the Left-Behind Parent and International Parental Abduction. There could be your story, your picture, and your sweet little Nadia with her "I LOVE DADDY" t-shirt.
 
And then Nadia would be next to come home.

Offline tweinstein

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2009, 09:35:17 PM »
Devon,

I wonder whether it was our conversation today that motivated you to write this. You've shown an entirely different side of yourself here. As I read it, I remember feeling many of the thoughts you described. Fortunately, through the recently improved relationship with my son, the feelings of darkness and anger have been replaced with optimism as I look forward to what the next conversation with him will bring. Nonetheless, I still feel frustration and despair(particularly given the lack of information we are given) as time advances on. As soon as you finish your piece, I'll post it on The Left-Behind Parent.

Timothy

Offline Teena

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2009, 09:55:43 PM »
Devon,
 
That was heart wrenching. Pure raw emotion. But beautifully written. I can imagine sitting watching the hour glass waiting for the day to see my babies again and it seems like an unbearable existence.....
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Offline kmoor88

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2009, 12:00:27 AM »
Devon,
That was a great heartfelt letter.  Nadia is lucky to have a DAD that loves her so
much.

Offline ssutton

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2009, 12:08:34 AM »
Devon,
 
What a wonderful father you are. The emotions I had when I read it, were tearful. Thank you for sharing. "Time" is a great idea.

Offline SageDad

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2009, 01:33:01 AM »
That's beautiful man.  So much for the old adage that time heals all wounds, but to every rule there is an exception.    In the early days after the abduction it is no stretch to say I was an emotional wreck that pretty much just operated on auto-pilot... going through the motions of a life that no longer seemed to have any meaning.  As time passes I am better able to maintain what is probably a healthy emotional distance from that time but, as you aptly describe, it comes at the price of having the memories I most want to keep crisp and clear in my mind also slowly fade.  I suppose I can't have one without the other, but I would keep the pain if it kept time from dulling the vibrance of my memories of my son.  There are deep commonalities between the experiences we share.  Time is relative and a moment can seem an eternity, but you've shown a very deep understanding of just what it means to be a left behind parent in a relatively short period of time.  It is as you say, moments lost are lost.  I will never recover Sage's second birthday.  I try to not to think too long on that ugly and unescapable reality.  That way lies madness.
“What you seek is seeking you.”
― Rumi

Offline Mags

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #7 on: May 20, 2009, 11:59:59 AM »
WOW,  I really don't know what else to say. . .  my heart truely goes out to every LBP.  I got very emotionally reading your piece, Devon.  It makes me thank God I have my children and suddenly makes me appreciate every annoying thing they do (LOL).
 
I haven't commented on the boards in a while because there hasn't been much news, but it is heart wrenching to read what LBP go through.
 
God Bless.

Offline dmdaven2

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #8 on: May 20, 2009, 02:08:10 PM »
Quote from: Bindlerkids;22164
Devon...
The Hour Glass a great tittle for a book!!! Keep in mind that the primary Goal in life is to achieve the understanding of the transformation from the the pain of a left behind parent written into something so genuine!!! I now see how G_D helped me . It's all a beautiful gift to be grateful. And I'm grateful that I know you.

Great title! I'm glad I know you as well ;)
Devon Davenport - Father of Nadia Lynn ;)

Offline liesl78

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #9 on: May 20, 2009, 02:15:35 PM »
Devon, that was a great piece of writing. I look forward to reading your finished piece.
 
I loved The Hour Glass as a title too.
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Offline Wendy

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #10 on: May 20, 2009, 08:35:08 PM »
Devon...are you sure you're only in your early 20's?  That was very profound and extremely heartbreaking. :'(
History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.
 
~ B. C. Forbes ~
 
"It doesn't matter which way you cut this. If you abduct a child from a country and remove it from its parents, its other parent and its extended family and its culture, it is one of the most extreme forms of child abuse that you can inflict upon a child."

well said by Ken Thompson.

Offline dmdaven2

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #11 on: May 20, 2009, 08:49:43 PM »
Quote from: Wendy;22240
Devon...are you sure you're only in your early 20's?  That was very profound and extremely heartbreaking. :'(


Twenty Two...and thank you
Devon Davenport - Father of Nadia Lynn ;)

Offline Sashia

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #12 on: May 20, 2009, 09:05:24 PM »
Quote from: Bindlerkids;22241
Today,
I called the school principle of my daughter school and gave her some ideas on how to make money with no money.. We were able to exchange ideas this way - I'm in close contact with how the children's are progressing in school.
What a wonderful idea. Great thinking on your part. I think LBP's are especially creative and inventive people. I guess they have to be.

Offline sue

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #13 on: May 20, 2009, 09:34:53 PM »
I think a Zebra would be easier :)

Offline ChristineS

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Re: Experience of a LBP - TIME
« Reply #14 on: May 29, 2009, 09:13:49 PM »
I did not want to start a new thread, so I came upon this 'old' one and think this story fits...
 
Talk about TIME! International parental child abduction goes a long way back....
 
I just found this very interesting story from the IrishTimes.com
 
http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/breaking/2009/0529/breaking32.html?via=mr
 
Last Updated: Friday, May 29, 2009, 11:30
Mother finds lost son via Facebook


A mother who claimed her son was kidnapped by his Hungarian father 27 years ago was reunited with him when her sister found him on Facebook.
Avril Grube (62), from Poole, Dorset, said her son Gavin Paros was taken to Hungary in 1982 aged three when his father failed to bring him back from a weekend visit after the marriage broke down.
Despite the family contacting the authorities and writing to the then British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, Mrs Grube never saw her son again.
But her younger sister Beryl Wilson (59), from Liverpool, never gave up hope and one day she put Mr Paros’s name into Google and up popped his Facebook page with his mother’s name on it.
And it transpired that Mr Paros had also been trying to find his family after the death of his father in 2006.
Now Mrs Grube, who recently suffered a stroke and lives in sheltered housing, has met her son for the first time at her Dorset home.
“It means so much to me,” she said, added that she was desperate to see her grandchildren.
But mother and son have to speak through translation software as father-of-three Mr Paros (30), does not speak English — a process that means the many questions they want to ask take hours.
“Mrs Wilson explained that she had to wait for a few weeks before Mr Paros replied, as he had not looked at the Facebook page for several months.
“As soon as I found him on Facebook I phoned Avril and said, I have some important news, and told her to sit down, and then I heard a merciful scream,” she said.
“It was the happiest day of her life when she met her son. She said there were no words to describe it.
“Gavin has got a family and three children and they are desperate to come to England and live but he needs help to find a house and job.”