Ex-Marine's daughter abducted to Bahrain

[JerseyGirl]

Saw this on CBS local New York news tonight at 11pm EST. There are three videos within the article, one from yesterday and two from today. (I can't seem to get a separate link for the videos - look on the right side of the page under "related")
 
http://wcbstv.com/local/international.custody.fight.2.1469034.html
 
Feb 3, 2010 11:55 pm US/Eastern
 
Mother In Bahrain Custody Case Speaks Out
 
Deana Aref Says She'll Bring 8-Year-Old Daughter Back To Ex Marine Husband After All Charges Are Dropped
 
NEW YORK (CBS) ― "Bring Hannah Home" is a New Jersey father's plea.
 
On Tuesday night we told you about his legal battle to get his 8-year-old daughter out of the Middle East. His ex-wife took Hannah there six months ago, refusing to return.
 
On Wednesday night the mother spoke out for the first time.
 
"What happened was we just ended up delaying our trip a little longer," Deana Aref said.
 
On a web chat from Bahrain, Aref explained why what was supposed to be a five-week trip in August with daughter Hannah has dragged on for six months.
 
She claims it is simply a vacation, extended.
 
"They promised her back and she never came back," father Jeff Walding said.
 
Walding, an ex-Marine, is now a sheriff's officer, and he called it running away and a criminal act.
 
"She kidnapped her. She kidnapped her, kidnapped her from everybody, everybody who cares about her," Walding said.
 
Aref said she had every intention of coming home with her daughter when she took her from the family's home in Chino, Calif., 6,500 miles away to Bahrain, Deana's native country.
 
Her ex-husband, now living in Clayton, N.J., pressed charges.
 
"I don't want to be arrested in an airport and have my daughter taken away from me," Aref said.
 
Gloucester County Prosecutor Sean Dalton met with the FBI on Wednesday as the case heated up.
 
"There's been criminal charges filed for interference with custody," Dalton said.
 
Deana now has a lawyer and said she will not return until after charges are dropped, something that right now is considered unlikely.
 
"Honestly, right now I don't trust him," Aref added.
 
Hannah is attending private school in Bahrain and her mom is studying to be a pilot. Walding hopes attention in the media and help from politicians will put enough pressure on his ex wife to come back with Hannah and face the consequences.
 

[forthelost]

Is this woman actually expecting people to believe that she just happened to go on a five week trip that became a six month one, and things like this happen all the time?

[Bob D'Amico]

This is simply amazing! Apparently there are no pilot training schools in the United States.

Make sure you read the Kidnapper's explanation on her Facebook page........ Me, Me, Me, Me ......... Sound familiar?

Watch the entire CBS video, she has no intention of returning to the US, her daughter is in school learning Arabic. The demand that the criminal charges for kidnapping be dropped before returning to the US is standard operating procedure for kidnappers - blame the other parent for the  criminal act.

If she doesn't return with the child one thing is certain, she won't be a pilot on any airplane flying into Europe, the Far East, South America or North America.

Article in Gloucestor Times
http://www.nj.com/gloucester/index.ssf?/base/news-1/1265091034109520.xml&coll=8

Dad's Facebook page
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=181661176340&ref=search&sid=674986403.4219599844..1

Kidnapper's Facebook page
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=309730001272&ref=search&sid=674986403.2172890441..1

CBS Philly Video of Interview with Kidnapper
http://cbs3.com/video/?id=96446@kyw.dayport.com

[pam.in.ny]

How can we get these videos and the article to all the major networks? We must be able to do something, can't we? :conf:

Pam

[SageDad]

With the explicit admission of the mother that she is a child abductor combined with the fact that Bahrain has not signed the Vague Convention and cordial relations between the two countries I'd say this case has a strong possibility of a quick resolution.  The State Dept. can't play their typical paper shuffling, non-partisan, "use the Hague Convention" role here since Bahrain is not a signatory.  They need to get directly involved.  After watching parents fight in Mexican courts for years, spend a fortune and win a return order from the Mexican Supreme Court that is never enforced I can appreciate Japan telling people up front we didn't sign the Hague and your kids aren't coming home.  It's not a good answer but it's a fast, definitive and cheap one.  I did some limited research on Bahrain and they have some very modern or "liberal" policies when compared with the rest of the Middle East.  At least Hannah won't have to wear a burkah or risk being pushed into a burning school for wearing the wrong clothing.

[hannahsmum]

This is Deana, Hannah's mother..

Here are a few things my ex forgot to mention in his story:

- In 2005, Mr Walding moved to Bahrain with me where we had agreed to settle after he got out of the Marines. In 2006 Mr Walding abandoned Hannah & I in Bahrain for almost a year. When I took Hannah to see him at Xmas time he stole her passport from me and tried to get custody of Hannah and basically "trap" me into staying in the US. He hated the fact that Hannah & I moved to California.
- My ex husband was an abusive man that continued to harass and threaten me even after we divorced. He had to take anger management while he was in the military classes because of this. I have plenty of witnesses, including his fellow Marines. Hannah is in a safe, loving, happy and healthy environment right now and always has been whenever she is with me.
- I am the primary custodial parent and Hannah has been living with me in California. She has never lived in New Jersey with her father. Mr Walding has visitation rights, yes. He is meant to fly Hannah out to see him 4 times a year.... but only takes her twice, out of his own choosing. This past Spring 2009, he decided to take his girlfriend on a vacation to Jamaica instead of spending that time with his daughter, even after she pleaded with him to come and see him. Does that sound like the same Dad you saw on television? The one that misses his daughter so much that he didn't even bother to call her on her birthday? Before you all start jumping on the "kidnapping/selfish mother" bandwagon... Maybe you should do a little research... ask questions, and question what you are being told....
There's always two sides to every story.

[Bob D'Amico]

I agree there are always two sides to every story however you have kidnapped Hannah and you are in your "sanctuary" of Bahrain. At this point you will be arrested if you do not make special arrangements with the US government should you agree to return to the United States any time in the next 100 years.

I also note you NOW claim there was abuse. That is SOP, Standard Operating Procedure in every kidnapping case. If you ever do come back to the US make sure you have all your "abuse" documented and a list of witnesses that can be deposed before going in front of a judge.

What Mr. Walding may or may not have done in previous years re: visitation, is of no consequence. You, unilaterally decided to break your  agreement by not returning from Bahrain as promised. That is a violation of the law. It's all about you, and as I wrote in my earlier post that is also SOP, blame the other person for your selfish, heinous action.

I doubt that Hannah will ever be returned to the United States simply because you want to stay in Bahrain and live "La Dolce Vita." I do know that Bahrain is the world class leader in shopping malls. I hope your family has and you earn enough money to enjoy all the really super important material possessions you want. And I hope once you get your pilot's license you enjoy flying to Yemen and other really neat places in the Middle East because that's basically the limit of your world as long as the FBI and Interpol want you.

Do yourself a favor, look in the mirror and ask yourself if you really kidnapped Hannah for her "benefit" or your benefit. Before you come back here and write you did it for Hannah, no child has ever "benefited" from being kidnapped.

[luvthelake]

:yeahthat:Go Bob

[Candida]

Everyone understands there are always two sides to a story, that's why we have the court system. Fair and balanced, both sides get to tell their stories and back up their stories with evidence.

[openminded]

from everthing the mother has said, where do you draw the conclusion she has no intention of returning to the US? you state that shes learning arabic therefore that proves she wont return? her mother is middle easter, she'd learn arabic even if she was in the US, its part of hannah's heritage. as for the SOP, judging from what is being said, these are not new aligations, i think  the mother didnt want to bring it up before, but seeing as the father is now playing dirty, she shouldnt have to protect him anymore. I know that its easier for you to side with the good american marine, rather than the evil arab woman but remember that marine was stationed in bahrain himself, where he clearly enjoyed himself for a long time and forgot about his responsibilities. Please stop giving americans a bad name and OPEN your minds

[Audax]

OK, Hannah's mom

If there really was abuse and you have all these witnesses, then take Hannah's father to court with proof. If your story is true, he will have to pay the price.

Fact still remains, that you retain Hannah in your home country against the law. You kidnapped her and violated her human right to know and grow up with both her parents.

Why did you change your story from ''extended vacation'' to ''abuse''?

There are right ways to resolve this matter with both sides being heard and there are wrong ways. Kidnapping is wrong and is harmful to Hannah. Period.

So I really don't care about any lengthy excuses you may have.

[LukieD]

Dear openminded,

Let me explain to you how things work at BSH since you’re obviously new here. We are a community of international child abduction activists from all over the world. At last count we have supporters in more than 100 countries. We do not only defend American parents who have been victimized by child abduction. We are just as happy to see a Middle Eastern child sent home after being abducted to the US as we are to see Sean Goldman sent home to the US from Brazil. The countries involved are irrelevant so you can stop peddling your nationalistic arguments here because no one is buying them. As for the fact that the father in this case is a former marine, you’re again missing the point. None of us care what Mr. Walding does for a living. If he were a high school janitor it would not change the fact that his daughter has been taken out of the US, the country where she had been living, in violation of his custody agreement. You should at least have the common sense to recognize that and to understand that as a country of laws there is right and wrong and this child belongs back in the US, at least until a judge hears the case.

As for you questioning the conclusion that the mother has no intention of returning, all we have to go by are her actions and her words. You know her better than we do. No one disputes that she left for what was supposed to be a five week vacation last summer and that six months later she’s still not home. Her daughter was enrolled in school in Bahrain and “making friends” as the mother says in her TV interview. That sure does not sound like she plans on coming back any time soon. In fact, it sounds like a textbook child abduction.

And while we do not know the father personally, he has done nothing wrong by bringing his story to the media in the hopes that it will help his case and bring his daughter home. That’s not “playing dirty” as you suggest, that’s playing smart. You see, we understand the dangers of child abduction, the pain suffered by the left-behind parent, and the psychological abuse inflicted on the innocent child who has been stripped of half of their identity and had their world turned upside down, away from their friends and familiar surroundings. As a friend of the taking parent, you may not see it this way, but believe us the child suffers the most in all of these cases. The mother posts on her FB page that she wants to become a pilot and “how could anyone turn down an opportunity like that?” The answer is that that “anyone” is her and she has an ethical and legal responsibility to raise her child in the country where the child’s father lives, it’s really that simple.

As for the allegations made above by “hannahsmum” you contradict yourself by saying “these are not new allegations, I think the mother didn’t want to bring it up before.” Well if she didn’t bring it up before, then they are new allegations, right? You should understand that the BSH forum is not the place for this “he said / she said” stuff. Take that to the judge as Candida posted above. And if you are puzzled by what appears to be a lack of sympathy for the mother, we call it as we see it and certainly it is troubling that we’re hearing these allegations for the first time now, AFTER the child was taken to the Middle East and there are charges pending against her. There’s a right way to do things and a wrong way, and unfortunately for your friend doing things the wrong way has consequences. That’s life.

[lovellboys]

I am trying to understand the reasoning behind filing charges versus filing a Hague petition. I am in no way questioning the father, as my first reaction would be to do the same thing.
 
As for 'Hannahsmom' - you can NOT justify your actions when you clearly have no intention of ever returning your daughter to the US. It's very easy to say "he did this" and "he did that" when you are thousands of miles away and really do not have to offer any proof to back up your claims.
 
As a mother, I can honestly say that the first moment I suspected any abuse of my child, I would have it on record. Anyone who makes such a claim only to influence custody is an embarrassment to decent parents everywhere.

[LukieD]

I am trying to understand the reasoning behind filing charges versus filing a Hague petition. I am in no way questioning the father, as my first reaction would be to do the same thing.

Bahrain is not a signator to the Hague Convention. There is no civil remedy so there is no other alternative.

[SageDad]

This is Deana, Hannah's mother..

  Here are a few things my ex forgot to mention in his story:

  - In 2005, Mr Walding moved to Bahrain with me where we had agreed to settle after he got out of the Marines. In 2006 Mr Walding abandoned Hannah & I in Bahrain for almost a year. When I took Hannah to see him at Xmas time he stole her passport from me and tried to get custody of Hannah and basically "trap" me into staying in the  He hated the fact that Hannah & I moved to California

  - My ex husband was an abusive man that continued to harass and threaten me even after we divorced. He had to take anger management while he was in the military classes because of this. I have plenty of witnesses, including his fellow Marines. Hannah is in a safe, loving, happy and healthy environment right now and always has been whenever she is with me.

  - I am the primary custodial parent and Hannah has been living with me in California. She has never lived in New Jersey with her father. Mr Walding has visitation rights, yes. He is meant to fly Hannah out to see him 4 times a year.... but only takes her twice, out of his own choosing. This past Spring 2009, he decided to take his girlfriend on a vacation to Jamaica instead of spending that time with his daughter, even after she pleaded with him to come and see him. Does that sound like the same Dad you saw on television? The one that misses his daughter so much that he didn't even bother to call her on her birthday? Before you all start jumping on the "kidnapping/selfish mother" bandwagon... Maybe you should do a little research... ask questions, and question what you are being told....
  There's always two sides to every story.

  Hi Deana, Welcome to Bring Sean Home

  I appreciate your coming here to tell your side of the story, and, for my part, have no problem with you doing so as long as the dialogue does not deteriorate to name calling and insults.  First and foremost though, this site is dedicated to helping parent's whose children have been illegally taken to foreign countries.. even when those parents are not American.  It is not about judging the history or culture of your country (as long that country is not like Saudi Arabia) Given that focus it's not all that surprising that you received a less than cordial welcome.


 I have to disagree with you (and with Bob) though.  There are not two sides to every story.  The world is not black and white.  There are many sides to every story.  What story might Hannah tell?  What about the other members of her family on the father's side?  Believe me, I understand that you are the primary caretaker of your daughter and that does carry a lot of weight.  I also agree that seeing you arrested is not in Hannah's (and definitely not in your) best interest.

 I have a personal and professional interest in just these types of situations.  They are ugly and difficult and there are no winners.  Everyone loses, especially the child, and the longer they go on the worse it gets.  You have no right to remove Hannah's father from her life (so long as he is not abusive and I really believe he is not based on what I've seen and read so far.)  At some point every taking parent realizes that the only justification for parental kidnapping is claiming "abuse" and that the left behind parent does not love the child.  It's a simple formula that we see time and time again.  This is because, at the end of the day, child abduction is child abuse and the only justification for it is that it was done to defend the child from greater abuse.  Only, in reading your page, it is clear you did it because you had a "wonderful opportunity."  That is very selfish.  Of course your well-being affects Hannah, and is important, but being a parent requires putting the well-being of the child first.  

Children have a fundamental and primordial right to know and be loved by both parents and by both sides of their family.  Children rightly view themselves as the descendents of their parents. If you teach a child that one of their parents is garbage then you are teaching them that half of their blood, genes, history and culture are garbage -- indeed half of who they are is garbage.  Hannah should not lose the family, history and culture that you and your family offer her, but she should not lose the history, culture and love from her father and his family either.

These problems are very hard to solve.  Once a situation like this occurs neither side trusts the other and that makes it extremely difficult to come to an agreement.  I hope that Hannah's father and you can both realize that it is in no one's best interest to be stubborn or difficult right now.  I hope you can talk to him and that he will not be stupid and will agree to help you come to an agreement to let you come back to the US and not face criminal charges (why would you agree to come back to go to jail?).  I suggest you contact and work with the Office of Children's Issues within the US State Department -- ask for Martha Pacheco and tell her I recommended you talk to her.  She is the Abduction Unit Chief with extensive authority to make things happen in the US and cares deeply about helping children come home.  She can work with the US Dept. of Justice to forge an agreement where you can return, face no criminal charges and don't lose, or have modified, the custody arrangment you already have in the US.  Such an agreement can be signed and notarized before the US Embassy in Bahrain and is completely and legally binding.  I wish you and your family a successful and happy resolution to this crisis.

-Carlos