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Author Topic: Hurt in California  (Read 2396 times)

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Offline John W.

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Hurt in California
« on: August 24, 2014, 10:20:42 PM »
I divorced my ex and lost custody of my daughter when she was 1 1/2 y/o.  when she was 2 1/2 my ex disappeared without any forwarding information.  She was in violation of the joint custody agreement, but I had no idea where she was.  she always threatened to move to Florida so in a panic I assumed she did.  I was destitute at the time barely surviving, and only 22 y/o myself.  I didn't even have a car, and couldn't search for her either.  I decided I needed to find her, and sue for custody again.  Anyone I talked to said there was nothing they could do and it would cost me about $15-20 thousand to make the courts force her to honor the agreement.  I vowed then and there to go back to school, obtain a degree, get a good job, and have the money necessary to find her, and afford an attorney to fight for custody and prove her guilty of parental alienation.  after more than 8 years I was remarried with a child, still in school working full time while I put myself through school and I finally found my daughter.  What I didn't know was that mere months before I found my daughter my ex allowed my daughter at the age of 9 to be sexually assaulted, and instead of prosecuting the man she blackmailed him to pay her bills.  So in essence she sold my daughter's childhood and innocence to pay her mortgage, and not have to work as hard in life.  I didn't know this obviously, and while I was trying to avoid a legal battle I couldn't afford yet (as I was still in school working to become a nurse) I tried to appeal to my ex's sense of right and wrong, but she refused to put me in contact with my daughter while she stonewalled me and made promises she never intended to keep until one day she broke off all contact completely.  I started to get my ducks in a row for the legal battle I knew would have to happen, I travelled to TX where they were, I got copies of all legal records, birth certificates, and spoke to attorneys.  Right after I graduated from nursing school and began preparing to take my licensing exam I received a message from my daughter stating she was in foster care after her mother assaulted her, and she said it was the last straw in a history of assault, abuse, manipulation, etc.  I found out, now that her mother was not running interference about the assault and that a criminal investigation was under way.  I also found out my daughter and her older brother (who was my stepson, and had just joined the Army) had been making plans for her to move with him and for him to take custody of her along with his new wife.  I understood her desire to live with them but I was concerned as her brother is only 21 and his wife just turned 19.  I didn't think it sounded like a good scenario for a 14 year old who was subjected to years of physical and emotional trauma.  Obviously I wanted my child and wanted to protect her from a situation that could cause even more harm.  I also now had 3 children in my home who had never met their sister, and deserved to have a relationship with her.  2 months later during the first CPS custody hearing I stated my intention to take custody of my daughter, but my stepsons in-laws wanted to take temporary custody of her while permanent custody was determined as it was determined her brother and sister-in-law were not legal option.  CPS in TX told me legal custody would take a year to decide and until then she could reside with the in-laws or in foster care so of course I agreed with CPS recommendations to allow her to stay with a stable couple who would care for her well-being rather than random foster parents.  It was shortly after this CPS asked me to give custody of my daughter for good over to the Harz's and accept summers and alternate holidays with my daughter.  I was blown away.  It was the same agreement I had with my ex and that cost me 13 years of my child's childhood.  I asked them why they were so quick to ask me to give up custody of my daughter and they told me it was my daughter's wishes.  because she was about to turn 15 the judge would side with my 15 year old rather than with me as her father, and she was old enough to decide where she should live.  It also came to light that she had also just met a boy and began dating him too.  Her brother and his wife were extremely upset and stated they felt betrayed by me for pursuing custody of my first born child.  I guess I can understand their desire to have their sister, and my daughter's desire to reside with them then a father she doesn't know, but I know my wife and I who are both RN's could provide a stable loving home life with her 3 younger siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins here in CA.  With all the abuse and mental manipulations she has been subjected to I know a fresh start in a fresh town is just what she could use to help deprogram the negativity she has learned is normal.  Her brother is in the military and will be stationed abroad for years so at this point she can only stay with the Harz's who have no other children in their home and live only blocks away from my ex and all of the pain my daughter grew up with.  She was sheltered from public by her mother to PROTECT the secret and as such she has no friends, and no other youths to talk to.  She came out for a visit recently and fell in love with her siblings, had a ton of fun, and she and I finally got to talk in length about her childhood and my part in it that she was too young to recall.  she saw old pictures, met her extended family, and saw for the first time how life should be in a healthy family, the town she could live in, the schools she could go to, and the financial stability we could provide.  By the end of her visit she said she was no longer concerned with living here and could see herself as a part of this family.  we even had family portraits taken.  Now instead of being worried about coming here she is concerned with the timing.  she is asking to move here permanently next summer instead of this December when the courts determine final custody.  Recently CPS again offered me a custody agreement this time offering me joint custody and the option for my daughter to move her later when she chooses.  what they aren't telling me is that if I agree to joint custody it would allow the Harz's to adopt my child, and once they do that they are as equal parents to her as I am and she can DECIDE NOT to move here ever, and I would have no recourse to change that.  CPS has also offered to pay for my child's college education through a masters program, but this is only offered to children from foster care who reside in TX and only pertains to TX universities.  Now, does that sound like a bribe to anyone?  It sure does to me...I checked on it to and it is true; there is a program that would cover her college expenses, but only if she stays in TX (or in other words...as long as she doesn't move to CA).  My VA benefits from my time in the military cover my children's college education also as long as it is at a university within the state I reside in so I can offer her the same thing.  Recently she sent me a text in which she states twice she is not opposed to moving to CA with me and her family but wants a little more time before doing so.  As I see it the only argument CPS, the Harz's, and my daughter had as to why I should not be given custody was her opposition to coming her, but now she is stating she has no problem coming here...now it is more a matter of when.  The court will be deciding permanent custody in November so that is the when.   In my opinion if she is not opposed to it anymore the when should not be a matter for denying my rights as a father to raise my children, and I would sure hate to know I am not getting custody of my child because she doesn't want to leave her boyfriend behind, and CPS is encouraging it by offering to pay her college education.  Does the state of TX really have any legal precedent to deny me custody in this case?  My attorney doesn't think so but he cant tell me for sure what the court will decide.  Does anyone have any other custody cases or legal precedents I can bring before the court to strengthen my case? 


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Re: Hurt in California
« Reply #1 on: May 14, 2015, 02:32:44 PM »
all the proof that u have, u need to record and bring that to the court knowing with your mind isn't enough for them they need facts.