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Author Topic: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).  (Read 22335 times)

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Offline tenorplus

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Quote from: USAMom;13977
It sounds like the docs aren't required in some situations. How scary is that? I am trying to cover all the bases but it seems as if some are left unprotected no matter what is done.
 
I can definitely say that I will never give that authorization. It only takes once and I absolutely believe that if he would get the chance to take my daughter to Brasil on "vacation", she would NEVER return.

We all feel for you in this terrible ordeal! I suggest you really take to heart the advice of everyone... and Roger is right (he is an attorney in Brazil) - see an attorney now and get the required documents ASAP. The longer you wait the greater the chance there may be a move with your daughter. Grace has stated (above) that trying to work it out is a good first-option. She is right... two adults can hopefully work things out for the good of the child!! Sadly, this does not always happen! So - while trying to work things out with him... talking about it... make sure that (behind the scene) you are getting thes necessary documents ASAP. This protects you/your daughter regardless. We are here to support and encourage you before anything happens!!!! One of my/our regrets for David - we were not here from Day 1 to help and encourage him!!!!!!

Offline riceandbeans

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Quote from: liesl78;13978
USA Mom:
 
You said her Brazilian passport is expired? Then he won't be able to get her into Brazil without it...

Only after coming back from our vacation trip one year, I noticed that my daughter's passport had expired months before we entered Brazil.  I assumed the Federal Police Officer either hadn't noticed it either or just hadn't bothered since her US passport was currently valid.
« Last Edit: March 26, 2009, 03:08:52 PM by riceandbeans »

Offline tweinstein

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I will send you Sean Collin's phone number and email by Private Message. He just went through this, unsuccessfully, last month. I think that he would have a good idea of what mistakes were made in his case so that it doesn't happen to you.

Offline MCD

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Dear USAMom,

Follow Roger's advice, move forward but do not make your husband angry. I do believe that many cases of illegal retention or kidnapping are responses to one sided moves (I am guilty here...). My ex made me a prisoner of his whims with legal docs and hot shot lawyers. I hated him for that. How come he could not trust me after more than a decade of common life? He knew I was a good person and law-abiding, which I could not say for some of his sibblings. Nevertheless I never though of separating him from the kids. I asked his permission to go for 4 months to Brazil. He refused. After a while he did for one month. It was better than nothing. When I got to Brazil I found out my father was diagnosed with cancer. I am an only child. I had made a verbal agreement with my ex that if my parents ever needed me, I would go back to Brazil. So I asked him to make arrangements for the kids' situation. Instead he took advantage of the Hague, filed criminal charges against me behind my back, while he kept delaying his trip to Brazil to visit as we had planned on the phone. It was all a lie. He was planning to kidnap the kids instead. Of course I reacted the best way I could, a la Bruna. I kept the kids in Brazil. The anger/hurt cicle is unstoppable. I do think the same happened with David and Bruna.

Where all the deceiving come from? Anger, I guess. His family hated me for asking for the divorce. How could I leave their beloved son? So they financed him to make my life miserable. And my family hated him for being such a pain, and not respect my fathers illness.  . Now everything is OK. But it took a while!

Get a psychologist mediator immediately. Lawyers/legal mediators do not have the empathy skills needed for such a delicate matter.

If you need support. Here we are!

Offline Mags

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USAMom, Please adhere to Roger's advice. You need to stay ahead of the game not one step behind. Not to mention, a mother's intuition is usually right. By being cautious and proactive, you may be able to avoid a very painful tragedy. Good luck - my thoughts are with you.

Offline cynzanon

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Quote from: lisacallenwood;13968
You're NOT being "paranoid" and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. As I've gotten older I've learned to LISTEN to that gut instinct - its there for a reason.
 
On another note, I've traveled out of the country with an unrelated minors (children's friends) 2 times in the past 2 years. On both occasions, no notorized permission-related documents were requested until returning BACK to the U.S. I found that odd.
 
Please be very careful with your daughter.

As I mentioned before, I'm brazilian, living in the US, and for the past 2 years have traveled with my daughter (she is 3) to Brazil without my husband...he always meet us there a few weeks later. NOT ONCE the authorization to travel was requested. NOT ONCE. And I have left from 2 different airports: Dulles (DC) and Boise (ID).
 
Something should be done, at least a requirement to see the authorization!

Offline roger

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Quote from: tweinstein;13986
I will send you Sean Collin's phone number and email by Private Message. He just went through this, unsuccessfully, last month. I think that he would have a good idea of what mistakes were made in his case so that it doesn't happen to you.

I really urge to you retain legal counsel. If all these threads in the forum don't give you enough reason to do it, I don't know what else will.
 
You're actually already late, however painful it is, and it is painful indeed. File for custody. Now.
 
And don't trust sending e-mails to the Brazilian consulate will do the trick.
 
Sign an affidavit and have it legalized at the Brazilian Consulate NOT AUTHORIZING ANY TRIPS. BE PROACTIVE AND RETAIN LEGAL PROFESSIONAL HELP.
 
It should not cost a lot of money since you're still in the very beginning and nothing drastic has happened yet.
 
Obviously, these legal bills steep up considerably once you're no longer preventing something but trying to recover something that has already happened.

Offline roger

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Quote from: MCD;13991
Dear USAMom,
 
Follow Roger's advice, move forward but do not make your husband angry. I do believe that many cases of illegal retention or kidnapping are responses to one sided moves (I am guilty here...). My ex made me a prisoner of his whims with legal docs and hot shot lawyers. I hated him for that. How come he could not trust me after more than a decade of common life? He knew I was a good person and law-abiding, which I could not say for some of his sibblings. Nevertheless I never though of separating him from the kids. I asked his permission to go for 4 months to Brazil. He refused. After a while he did for one month. It was better than nothing. When I got to Brazil I found out my father was diagnosed with cancer. I am an only child. I had made a verbal agreement with my ex that if my parents ever needed me, I would go back to Brazil. So I asked him to make arrangements for the kids' situation. Instead he took advantage of the Hague, filed criminal charges against me behind my back, while he kept delaying his trip to Brazil to visit as we had planned on the phone. It was all a lie. He was planning to kidnap the kids instead. Of course I reacted the best way I could, a la Bruna. I kept the kids in Brazil. The anger/hurt cicle is unstoppable. I do think the same happened with David and Bruna.
 
Where all the deceiving come from? Anger, I guess. His family hated me for asking for the divorce. How could I leave their beloved son? So they financed him to make my life miserable. And my family hated him for being such a pain, and not respect my fathers illness. . Now everything is OK. But it took a while!
 
Get a psychologist mediator immediately. Lawyers/legal mediators do not have the empathy skills needed for such a delicate matter.
 
If you need support. Here we are!

For empathy's sake you should strive together with your husband to get the best amicable divorce deal possible.
 
And shared custody should be out-of-bounds, because Brazil has been listed as non-compliant to the Hague Convention and any professioal mediator will be sensitive to this fact.
 
I'm all for amicable settlements and I do not have even a confrontation attitude as a professional, but you must know that ENFORCING these settlements becomes way tougher than if we were talking domestic law only, either U.S. or Brazilian domestic law.
 
Brazil is not for beginners. International law is not for beginners. And family law is not for beginners. So please don't take chances...
« Last Edit: March 26, 2009, 03:35:36 PM by roger »

Offline Bree

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Quote from: Mags;13992
USAMom, Please adhere to Roger's advice. You need to stay ahead of the game not one step behind. Not to mention, a mother's intuition is usually right. By being cautious and proactive, you may be able to avoid a very painful tragedy. Good luck - my thoughts are with you.

USAMom - I agree with everything said here!  Don't wait or it will be too late.  Roger has offered you some excellent advice.  
 
I do have one question:  when did your husband tell you about his sick mom?  Before or after you told him of the Goldman case?
"Every parent who has a child and they tuck him in at night, or her in at night, and they wish the best and only the best and they will always protect the child and do whatever they can, but most of the time they don't have to prove it. I'm in the proving grounds, to myself and to my child.  I have to get him home and I will do whatever I have to. I'll never stop to save him."  --David Goldman

Offline Claudia.Hope

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Hi USAMom,
 
Be careful ok?
YES...He could go to Brazil and no passport is required IF he gets the "ARB"- Authorization to Return to Brazil, this is a kind of express passport issued for emergency.
 
Normally the procedures are the same (of the passaports), you have to sign and agree with it, but we never know what kind of story he could tell at the Consulates ?
 
 
 
Quote from: USAMom;13939
My husband and I are still married and live in the same house. To my knowledge, he has not yet retained an attorney in order to obtain a divorce. Our daughter is nearly 5 years old. She has dual citizenship, both in the USA and Brasil. She had a Brasilian passport but it expired in 2008. She has an American passport -- which I have custody of.
 
My husband has been here in the US for over 12 years. He has a job that he is not ecstatic about. He recently obtained a Bachelor's Degree here in the US, which I thought was very strange because he knows cannot move up in his present job. He has -0- interest in moving (but he really does not like it here, in our state and in the US in general). Therefore, he will be making student loan payments but without the opportunity to increase his income with a better job.
 
 
MOM
 
BUT I also know that a Bachelor's Degree from the US would translate into a good job for him in Brasil if he would move there, as he already has 2 advanced degrees he earned in Brasil. Plus he would not have to worry about how to pay the student loans back. He hurried his way through as quickly as he could, finishing 9 months earlier than expected. I also thought that was odd, since he has no plans to change jobs and knows that his new degree will not help him in the least at his present employer.
 
My husband's father is a retired high-level federal judge in Brasil. He still retains much of the powers associated with his position. ( In fact, my husband's entire family is in Brasil.
 
Recently, my husband advised me that his mother was diagnosed with cancer last November. (Odd that I heard about it 3 months after the fact.) He also said that his grandfather was diagnosed with incurable cancer. He then then advised me that he was planning to take our daughter with him on a visit there. At the time, I'd barely heard about the Goldman case. As my husband and I were arguing about the fact that he wanted to take her to Brasil without me, I said, "What would be your motivation to come back?" It then hit me that he, in fact, would not come back.
 
He also took a large sum of money out of our bank account last fall, telling me that "It was HIS money and he did not need to ask permission to use it, or to tell me what he was doing with it".
 
My husband's life in Brasil was very much like Bruna Goldman's. When he visits there, the maid takes care of everything. He does very little -- he does nothing, actually, except what he wants (which is very similar to his life here in the US, minus the maid. Or perhaps that was to be my role). I know he misses his family and his life there. He hates having a house here - home maintenance is not something he enjoys in the least. Truthfully, I cannot think of one thing he enjoys about living in the US except the fact that our daughter is here.
 
I have contacted a Brasilian Consulate and was given email addresses for them all, so that I could advise them that I DO NOT give permission for:
 
1. my daughter to travel to Brasil
2. for any Brasilian passports to be issued in my daughter's name
 
If anyone has any further suggestions / advisements, I would greatly appreciate hearing them. I would also appreciate hearing from those who have had similar experiences while being married to Brasilians, and what they did regarding their situation. Maybe it would help me to realize I am not the only one either in this kind of situation, or who has dealt with this kind of situation.
 
Sometimes I think I am crazy. He does a good job of making me feel like I am, and that I am waaaay too paranoid.
 
Thanks for your time!

Offline beth

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He does not need your authorization to leave the country with your daughter,  he just need her and her brazilian passport.
The USA does not require such authorization to leave the country, Brazil in the other hand does. Which means that if he he leaves the country with her, that would be a big problem.

Offline roger

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Quote from: Claudia.Hope;13997
Hi USAMom,
 
Be careful ok?
YES...He could go to Brazil and no passport is required IF he gets the "ARB"- Authorization to Return to Brazil, this is a kind of express passport issued for emergency.
 
Normally the procedures are the same (of the passaports), you have to sign and agree with it, but we never know what kind of story he could tell at the Consulates ?

One more reason to act now.

Offline Bob D'Amico

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No better advice than Roger's BE PROACTIVE, GET A FAMILY LAWYER RIGHT NOW.

STAY PROACTIVE ON YOUR OWN:
1: Email is worthless!
2: "Sign an affidavit and have it legalized at the Brazilian Consulate NOT AUTHORIZING ANY TRIPS."
3: Fill out and submit all the documents for the US State Dept's Abduction unit.
4: Contact by phone and letter the airlines at your local airport notifying them of a possible child abduction. Have your daughters name put on the domestic and international NO FLY list.
5: Same goes for US Customs and Border Control.

People may tell you they can't help because no law has been broken but if you send a letter someone will pay attention. You need everyone to pay attention!

Don't become a statistic!
Bob D'Amico

Offline MCD

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Quote from: roger;13995
For empathy's sake you should strive together with your husband to get the best amicable divorce deal possible.
 
And share custody should be out-of-bounds, because Brazil has been listed as non-compliant to the Hague Convention and any professioal mediator will be sensitive to this fact to take chances with it.
 
I'm all for amicable settlements and I do not have even a confrontation attitude as a professional, but you must know that ENFORCING these settlements become way tougher than if we were talking domestic law only, either U.S. or Brazilian domestic law.
 
Brazil is not for beginners. International law is not for beginners. And family law is not for beginnners. So please don't take chances...

Roger,
Don't you think she should get her custody here, and then "homologar" no Brazil?
If I was USAMom, I would do the papers here with the help of lawyers and the mediation person. Then travel to Brazil with her husband and daughter. Notify the US consulate there she was going to do it. Do the custody papers in Brazil. And then pray!

If everything is done right and without anger it should work to all parts.

And BTW, is your husband an active parent in the work part of bringing up a child? If only does the fun part of it, he may not be even thinking of keeping her full time in Brazil.

Offline roger

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Quote from: beth;13998
He does not need your authorization to leave the country with your daughter, he just need her and her brazilian passport.
The USA does not require such authorization to leave the country, Brazil in the other hand does. Which means that if he he leaves the country with her, that would be a big problem.

But the Brazilian passport expired, so it's going to be hard to get a new one without an authorization from both parents.
 
In any case, the Brazilian Consulate with proper jurisdiction the U.S. should be immediately advised by an affidavit signed by you, in the presence of a notary public, that you do not give this authorization for the issue of a new passport, nor even for the ARB that Claudia mentioned, and much less for a trip overseas.
 
And I think you should have your daughter's U.S. passport securely stored, that is, in a safe deposit box located outside your home. But for that you'll have to seek legal advice to avoid any trouble for you.