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Author Topic: Conversations with my son  (Read 16531 times)

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Offline tweinstein

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Conversations with my son
« on: April 22, 2009, 09:54:52 PM »
As many of you know, I have been speaking to my son on a near-daily basis for the past 3 months or so. It wasn't always this way and has greatly strengthened our relationship. His goal is one hour per day, but we often run out of things to say well before then.

We talk about video games, sports, school, movie, etc. I wish I could add my daughter to the conversation, but she doesn't like to talk on the phone. She also has trouble understanding my Portuguese and I have trouble understanding her English.

In the past, I have shared some of my son's comments and I felt like sharing some today. It all started when he commented that he remembered the color of somebody's car (he has a great memory for small details). I mentioned that I was impressed by the detail of his memory. With this, he started to tell me some other things he remembered. . .

He remembered the time I drove him to soccer practice and it was raining. While the other parents sat in the car waiting to see if the rain stopped, we got out of the car and started to wash it while the other parents looked at us like we were crazy. I said to him, "at least we had the cleanest car" and he replied, "that's only because they couldn't see the inside!"

He also remembered the daily routine when we each got home from school. I would read the newspaper while he ate a snack. He would play outside with me before eating dinner.

He remembered taking a shower at a normal hour and then doing everything possible to delay going to bed at night.

One more thing he remembered was making cookies with my mom. He told me that the only reason they were edible was because she helped him.

Usually, our conversations are mundane and don't force me to remember the time in his life that I have lost. Today was different.

Offline Teena

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #1 on: April 22, 2009, 10:07:30 PM »
Aww Tim! But you can't think of it that way! Think of it as he REMEMBERS! An he has GOOD memories! I have a feeling that if God forbid this takes any longer for you...he just might want to come home. anyway...i know it is hard to look at any bright side of your situation but I am so glad you talk to him everyday. Soon your daughter will want to too.
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Offline liesl78

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #2 on: April 22, 2009, 10:50:16 PM »
Tim,
 
I have tears rolling down. Those everyday moments we sometimes take for granted are incredibly valuable.
 
I can't imagine growing up without one of my parents, especially my father, to whom I feel closer to because we're more alike (my parents are still married), nor I imagine what life would be like without my son.
 
Today my husband said he's afraid I am going to lose it, and should give up on this cause, since it's not about my son.
 
Then I asked him: would you give up, if you were kept away from [son's name]?
*no answer*
 
I have all LBPs in my prayers, everyday, with hopes of one day reverting this awful situation. But the reality is, I don't know how you have the strength to get out of bed every morning.
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Offline sue

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #3 on: April 23, 2009, 01:25:05 PM »
Quote from: Bindlerkids;19171
Awww..Tim ... I know the feeling, I normally reach my children by story telling and became quiet good at it.. now they are a bit older and the demands are higher .... I continue to buy them clothes and order pizza and macD deliver to their house in Brazil...believe me Visa Card can go a long away...
Iam very happy for you Tim.
How old are your children?  What a terrible situation for you, in fear for your life.  I'm so sorry.

Offline sue

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #4 on: April 23, 2009, 01:25:41 PM »
Quote from: tweinstein;19120
As many of you know, I have been speaking to my son on a near-daily basis for the past 3 months or so. It wasn't always this way and has greatly strengthened our relationship. His goal is one hour per day, but we often run out of things to say well before then.
 
We talk about video games, sports, school, movie, etc. I wish I could add my daughter to the conversation, but she doesn't like to talk on the phone. She also has trouble understanding my Portuguese and I have trouble understanding her English.
 
In the past, I have shared some of my son's comments and I felt like sharing some today. It all started when he commented that he remembered the color of somebody's car (he has a great memory for small details). I mentioned that I was impressed by the detail of his memory. With this, he started to tell me some other things he remembered. . .
 
He remembered the time I drove him to soccer practice and it was raining. While the other parents sat in the car waiting to see if the rain stopped, we got out of the car and started to wash it while the other parents looked at us like we were crazy. I said to him, "at least we had the cleanest car" and he replied, "that's only because they couldn't see the inside!"
 
He also remembered the daily routine when we each got home from school. I would read the newspaper while he ate a snack. He would play outside with me before eating dinner.
 
He remembered taking a shower at a normal hour and then doing everything possible to delay going to bed at night.
 
One more thing he remembered was making cookies with my mom. He told me that the only reason they were edible was because she helped him.
 
Usually, our conversations are mundane and don't force me to remember the time in his life that I have lost. Today was different.
I think this is a wonderful thing.  He sure wants to be with you and that is wonderful.

Offline jdv28

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #5 on: April 26, 2009, 05:16:30 PM »
Tim...I get all mushy about these things.  I'm actually sitting on my couch and watching my son (who's here for the 1st time in months)play his Xbox on the big screen.  He just turned 16 and is at that everythings a secret stage.  And that's hard when by now, we'd be crying from making eachother laugh so hard 2-3 yrs ago.  But just to have him 2 feet away, him angry at me or the world, I'll take what I can get.

And with knowing your struggle Tim...I know you feel the same way, we take what we can get and hold onto that until we get our next dose of  whatever comes our way.  You're still in my prayers along with your children.
Give MORE these:hug:  & LESS these :argue:

Offline tweinstein

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #6 on: April 26, 2009, 08:28:17 PM »
Thank you. It's interesting how mature my son is. I asked him today how would he feel if his mother decided to return them to the United States. He said that if she also came, he would be very excited. He then continued to say that if she stayed in Brazil, he would not be excited, the same as he feels about being in Brazil with her and not me.

I then asked him whether he would prefer living in Brazil with both parents or living in the United States with both parents. He responded "the United States". It's always possible that he is simply saying what he thinks I want to hear. Even if that's true, it's a good thing as it indicates that he values me.

Offline rcgracia

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #7 on: April 26, 2009, 10:24:18 PM »
Tim  

  I canít imagine being without my children, not being able to receive a hug, a kiss, or be able to tuck them in bed. I canít begin to imagine what you are going through.  I donít know how you and all of the other LBPs get out of bed every day.  What a strength that you must have to fight every day.

          [FONT="]I want you to know that you and all the LBPs are in my prayers. Hang in there!!:)[/FONT]

Offline Wendy

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #8 on: April 27, 2009, 02:16:58 PM »
Tim that must have been such a bittersweet converstation to have with your little boy.  Knowing that he remembers and values you.  You're in such a tough situation, wanting and needing your children with you and knowing that when it happens, it will be amazing for you but they'll still be missing their mother.  Such a terrible thing she has done to them. :(
History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.
 
~ B. C. Forbes ~
 
"It doesn't matter which way you cut this. If you abduct a child from a country and remove it from its parents, its other parent and its extended family and its culture, it is one of the most extreme forms of child abuse that you can inflict upon a child."

well said by Ken Thompson.

Offline tweinstein

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #9 on: April 27, 2009, 02:58:03 PM »
Quote from: Wendy;19793
Tim that must have been such a bittersweet converstation to have with your little boy. Knowing that he remembers and values you. You're in such a tough situation, wanting and needing your children with you and knowing that when it happens, it will be amazing for you but they'll still be missing their mother. Such a terrible thing she has done to them. :(
Wherever the children are, their mother will follow. They come as a package deal.:nervous:

Offline rachelle4

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #10 on: April 28, 2009, 11:32:46 PM »
Quote from: tweinstein;19800
Wherever the children are, their mother will follow. They come as a package deal.:nervous:

Do you know if your son has told his mother that he would rather be in the US and also closer to you? Does she ever show any remorse for taking the children away from you or is she heartless?

Offline tweinstein

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #11 on: April 29, 2009, 06:12:28 AM »
Quote from: rachelle4;20009
Do you know if your son has told his mother that he would rather be in the US and also closer to you?
I think that she has figured it out recently.
Quote from: rachelle4;20009
Does she ever show any remorse for taking the children away from you or is she heartless?
I'm not sure what she actually feels, but only once did she ever admit to doing the wrong thing. It was a one sentence email written late at night. Knowing her personality, even if she felt it, she would never admit it again.

Offline Mom25

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #12 on: April 29, 2009, 09:29:12 AM »
Quote from: liesl78;19160
Tim,
 
 
I have all LBPs in my prayers, everyday, with hopes of one day reverting this awful situation. But the reality is, I don't know how you have the strength to get out of bed every morning.

I read this and it reminded me the time I went through divorce (almost 11 years ago), my youngest was 4 months old and the oldest was 4 years old... we had just moved from Europe to USA, with my closest and most trusted friends/family in Brazil...
 
For those who can actually keep their sanity intact (in the long run) I can tell you right now that KIDS ARE THE REASON. You just do it. You get up and go. When you can't get up and go, you drag yourself to the next step in some sort of unnoticeable survival mode... you build strength without even noticing you are actually "working out"... from baby step to baby step... until one day you look back and realize what a huge mountain you moved.
 
We are moving mountains right here, and right now.
 
Tim, work that heart muscle... never ever let it go... you will need that much strength and more to hold your babies close when you finally get them to come home to you :)
Mom25 (She of Many Names)
A uni„o faz a forÁa

Offline sue

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #13 on: May 07, 2009, 10:35:51 AM »
How are your children?  Is your son begging you to come for a visit?

Offline tweinstein

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Re: Conversations with my son
« Reply #14 on: May 07, 2009, 08:34:08 PM »
Quote from: gail;20775
How are your children?  Is your son begging you to come for a visit?
They are doing well. For a variety of reasons, I went about a week without communicating with them. It was very frustrating at the time because I didn't know where they were. Things are back on track again though with talking to my son and yes, both he and my daughter are very anxious for my visit.