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Bring Sean Home Foundation => International Abduction Cases => Topic started by: USAMom on March 26, 2009, 01:39:18 PM

Title: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: USAMom on March 26, 2009, 01:39:18 PM
My husband and I are still married and live in the same house.  To my knowledge, he has not yet retained an attorney in order to obtain a divorce.  Our daughter is nearly 5 years old.  She has dual citizenship, both in the USA and Brasil. She had a Brasilian passport but it expired in 2008.  She has an American passport -- which I have custody of.

My husband has been here in the US for over 12 years.  He has a job that he is not ecstatic about.  He recently obtained a Bachelor's Degree here in the US, which I thought was very strange because he knows cannot move up in his present job.  He has -0- interest in moving (but he really does not like it here, in our state and in the US in general).  Therefore, he will be making student loan payments but without the opportunity to increase his income with a better job.

BUT I also know that a Bachelor's Degree from the US would translate into a good job for him in Brasil if he would move there, as he already has 2 advanced degrees he earned in Brasil.  Plus he would not have to worry about how to pay the student loans back.  He hurried his way through as quickly as he could, finishing 9 months earlier than expected.  I also thought that was odd, since he has no plans to change jobs and knows that his new degree will not help him in the least at his present employer.

My husband's father is a retired high-level federal judge in Brasil. He still retains much of the powers associated with his position.  ( In fact, my husband's entire family is in Brasil.

Recently, my husband advised me that his mother was diagnosed with cancer last November.  (Odd that I heard about it 3 months after the fact.) He also said that his grandfather was diagnosed with incurable cancer.  He then then advised me that he was planning to take our daughter with him on a visit there.  At the time, I'd barely heard about the Goldman case.  As my husband and I were arguing about the fact that he wanted to take her to Brasil without me, I said, "What would be your motivation to come back?" It then hit me that he, in fact, would not come back.  

He also took a large sum of money out of our bank account last fall, telling me that "It was HIS money and he did not need to ask permission to use it, or to tell me what he was doing with it".  

My husband's life in Brasil was very much like Bruna Goldman's.  When he visits there, the maid takes care of everything.  He does very little -- he does nothing, actually, except what he wants (which is very similar to his life here in the US, minus the maid. Or perhaps that was to be my role).  I know he misses his family and his life there.  He hates having a house here - home maintenance is not something he enjoys in the least.  Truthfully, I cannot think of one thing he enjoys about living in the US except the fact that our daughter is here.

I have contacted a Brasilian Consulate and was given email addresses for them all, so that I could advise them that I DO NOT give permission for:

1.  my daughter to travel to Brasil
2.  for any Brasilian passports to be issued in my daughter's name

If anyone has any further suggestions / advisements, I would greatly appreciate hearing them.  I would also appreciate hearing from those who have had similar experiences while being married to Brasilians, and what they did regarding their situation.  Maybe it would help me to realize I am not the only one either in this kind of situation, or who has dealt with this kind of situation.  

Sometimes I think I am crazy. He does a good job of making me feel like I am, and that I am waaaay too paranoid.  

Thanks for your time!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: SageDad on March 26, 2009, 02:03:19 PM
That all sounds really bad..  The State Department has a page with advice to prevent an international abduction but, truth be told they are hard to prevent..

http://travel.state.gov/family/abduction/prevention/prevention_560.html

and there's probably not much there that will help.  Keep the passport in your posession.  I would not allow travel to Brazil, and most certainly not if you aren't going.  

Filing for custody, even shared custody is important.  My wife and I had no formal custody agreement prior to my son's abduction and the police just sat on their thumbs.  In NC, shared custody is implied if there is no formal agreement, but I still highly recommend a formal one, in addition to a formal court order that he can't leave the country with your daughter.  Reach out to the State Department and the NCMEC and see if they can add your husband's and daughter's information to some sort of no-flight list (I have no idea if such a thing exists but it should).  Also keep in mind that there are basically no exit controls whatsoever at terrestial borders.  All he needs is a copy of your daughters birth certificate to cross into Mexico by land.  That's right, not even a passport.  There are many others, a couple right on these forums, that knew their partners were going to abduct to Brazil, or another country, and warned the courts and police and they did nothing.

The one good thing I can say for you though is that, as a mother, you will have a huge advantage over the many father's on this forum trying to have their children returned, both from US and Brazilian officials.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: USAMom on March 26, 2009, 02:15:03 PM
Carlos,

Thank you so very much for responding!

If he were to get a copy of her birth certificate and go into Mexico, could he then get on a plane with her and travel overseas? I have her birth certificate but as you know, they are extremely easy to obtain. He does not also need her passport in Mexico to travel by plane to another country? It seems unbelievable to me.  I thought that one parent had to have proper authority from the other parent to travel with their children and that airlines could be held responsible for not requiring such authority, but maybe that is here in the states.  I have her American passport and her Brasilian passport has expired.  It scares me to think that he might be able to get her on a plane without her passport. .

I surely would like to know this, as my husband travels to Mexico for work and does speak some Spanish.  It would be a perfect choice for him if he thought he could somehow get her from Mexico to Brasil.

Funny enough, he mentioned that his family would like to meet us in Mexico this year for a vacation.  At the time I thought it was odd and told him that Disney World sounded much better.  (My daughter and I went there last year but of course my husband did not, because it did not interest him.)  Of course he said no to Disney. Now I am wondering if he chose Mexico in order to get her out of this country with my consent.

It sounds like there is NOTHING a parent can do to stop this from happening, which is absolutely unbelievable.  I feel so sorry for those who have experienced this firsthand.  I am grateful that I can at least try my hardest to keep it from happening to my daughter.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Grace on March 26, 2009, 02:20:27 PM
Dear USAMom:
 
It's a shame that couples cannot get into agreement TOGETHER about where they are going to live. He should be making plans with you, asking you how you would like to live there too. It's a shame when people are only thinking of themselves.
 
My question to you is: do you have any idea whether he is on this site? Does he know about David's case?
 I am all for shared/joint custody. So in your case, if your husband wants to have maids making his bed, he can go back to Brazil and make enough money with all his degrees and come visit his daughter whenever he wants to.
 
He is the one wanting to go back, so you don't want to go with him and the marriage is over, you are the one who should keep the child most of the time. I am sorry, I read your post too quickly at work. Now I see he has already asked for divorce, so you do have a lit of reason to panic. Follow the advice here on how to keep him from running away with your daughter.
 
Do not let him travel to Brazil with her on vacation until this is cleared. Even if he goes to the airport with her, he won't be able to get on the plane without the authorization.
 
Talk to him, communicate. Express how you both feel and see what would be the best for your daughter. If you two decide to separate, a system where you and him can share her custody, even in different countries, can work. Common sense should be used, not revenge.
 
We are all here to help you. I cannot help you with legal advice though, just the perspective of another Brazilian living in America permanently.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: momof2 on March 26, 2009, 02:21:53 PM
USAmom, I know we can't live in fear, but I would be keeping a very close eye on my daughter. Please let us know if we can help in anyway.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: USAMom on March 26, 2009, 02:35:38 PM
Hi Grace,

Thank you so much for responding.  I appreciate it so much.

I highly doubt that my husband is on this site.  Finding it and then logging in would take way too much effort on his part.

 He does know about David's case.  When I first heard about it, I sent him the link.  I've watched the Dateline episode and also saw him on Larry King Live, but my husband will not give any credence to the Goldman situation.  His explanation is: "This happens in the US all the time. People bring their kids here illegally just like they do in Brasil, and no one does anything about it here either."

I don't believe that is true for a second.  

He lived here in this state when we met. There was no talk of moving -- and definitely not to Brasil.  He has never wanted me to learn the language or even feel at home there when we visited.  I've been there twice and both times was left on my own.  During our last visit, I took 10 books and 30+ magazines - and read them all in less than two weeks.  No one translates for me ...I am 100% out of the loop whenever we've been there.  He tells me that it is his vacation and he will not be bothered with translating.

One thing I know for sure.  If my daughter ends up in Brasil for any reason, I will never see her again.  My father in law would see to that.  This is why I am being proactive now.  

I know that life is good in Brasil for people with money.  My husband's family has a very good life - big houses, plenty of money, servants etc.  But I have -0- interest in moving to Brasil.  If he wants to move there, he can, but based upon what I've seen with the Goldman case, my daughter won't be going to Brasil again for a very long time.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: lisacallenwood on March 26, 2009, 02:37:12 PM
You're NOT being "paranoid" and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. As I've gotten older I've learned to LISTEN to that gut instinct - its there for a reason.
 
On another note, I've traveled out of the country with an unrelated minors (children's friends) 2 times in the past 2 years. On both occasions, no notorized permission-related documents were requested until returning BACK to the U.S. I found that odd.
 
Please be very careful with your daughter.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: momofthree on March 26, 2009, 02:40:54 PM
Just don't sign the authorization for him to take her out of the country until you have had a chance to speak to a lawyer and have started the divorce/custody process (if that is what you want).
I wouldn't wait around to see what his next move is...
Godd luck!!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: USAMom on March 26, 2009, 02:43:01 PM
Lisa,

Thank you so much for responding.

What you mentioned  is what I am most worried about.  I keep being told that a "notarized document" is required, but who knows if the airline would actually get around to asking for it?  Is the US the only country that actually holds parents accountable for doing stuff like this?

And certainly, it sounds like Mexico might be a better option than here in the states.  Someone suggested that I call immigration and also the state department.  I don't want to go overboard, but this is my daughter.

I think the same way you do about gut instincts.  I would never forgive myself if I didn't listen to mine and my daughter was taken from me.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: USAMom on March 26, 2009, 02:45:01 PM
Quote from: momof2;13960
USAmom, I know we can't live in fear, but I would be keeping a very close eye on my daughter. Please let us know if we can help in anyway.

I hate living in fear, but that fear keeps my attention.  My daughter should not become a statistic because I failed to act.

I appreciate your response so much.  This is completely unchartered territory for me.  It helps so much to hear the opinions of others.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: roger on March 26, 2009, 02:46:13 PM
Quote from: USAMom;13939
My husband and I are still married and live in the same house. To my knowledge, he has not yet retained an attorney in order to obtain a divorce. Our daughter is nearly 5 years old. She has dual citizenship, both in the USA and Brasil. She had a Brasilian passport but it expired in 2008. She has an American passport -- which I have custody of.
 
My husband has been here in the US for over 12 years. He has a job that he is not ecstatic about. He recently obtained a Bachelor's Degree here in the US, which I thought was very strange because he knows cannot move up in his present job. He has -0- interest in moving (but he really does not like it here, in our state and in the US in general). Therefore, he will be making student loan payments but without the opportunity to increase his income with a better job.
 
BUT I also know that a Bachelor's Degree from the US would translate into a good job for him in Brasil if he would move there, as he already has 2 advanced degrees he earned in Brasil. Plus he would not have to worry about how to pay the student loans back. He hurried his way through as quickly as he could, finishing 9 months earlier than expected. I also thought that was odd, since he has no plans to change jobs and knows that his new degree will not help him in the least at his present employer.
 
My husband's father is a retired high-level federal judge in Brasil. He still retains much of the powers associated with his position. ( In fact, my husband's entire family is in Brasil.
 
Recently, my husband advised me that his mother was diagnosed with cancer last November. (Odd that I heard about it 3 months after the fact.) He also said that his grandfather was diagnosed with incurable cancer. He then then advised me that he was planning to take our daughter with him on a visit there. At the time, I'd barely heard about the Goldman case. As my husband and I were arguing about the fact that he wanted to take her to Brasil without me, I said, "What would be your motivation to come back?" It then hit me that he, in fact, would not come back.
 
He also took a large sum of money out of our bank account last fall, telling me that "It was HIS money and he did not need to ask permission to use it, or to tell me what he was doing with it".
 
My husband's life in Brasil was very much like Bruna Goldman's. When he visits there, the maid takes care of everything. He does very little -- he does nothing, actually, except what he wants (which is very similar to his life here in the US, minus the maid. Or perhaps that was to be my role). I know he misses his family and his life there. He hates having a house here - home maintenance is not something he enjoys in the least. Truthfully, I cannot think of one thing he enjoys about living in the US except the fact that our daughter is here.
 
I have contacted a Brasilian Consulate and was given email addresses for them all, so that I could advise them that I DO NOT give permission for:
 
1. my daughter to travel to Brasil
2. for any Brasilian passports to be issued in my daughter's name
 
If anyone has any further suggestions / advisements, I would greatly appreciate hearing them. I would also appreciate hearing from those who have had similar experiences while being married to Brasilians, and what they did regarding their situation. Maybe it would help me to realize I am not the only one either in this kind of situation, or who has dealt with this kind of situation.
 
Sometimes I think I am crazy. He does a good job of making me feel like I am, and that I am waaaay too paranoid.
 
Thanks for your time!

I think you should retain immediate legal counsel in the U.S. to get a proper divorce and visitation arrangement for him to come to the U.S. visit your daughter.
 
In the meantime, your legal counsel may suggest a court order in the U.S. forbidding him to take your kid outside the U.S. (he would not be able to get on a plane with her or drive anywhere out of the country, no matter what).
 
Once the kid leaves the U.S. it will be a tough battle to get her back to you, as you have learned here.
 
Good luck!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: USAMom on March 26, 2009, 02:48:34 PM
Quote from: momofthree;13971
Just don't sign the authorization for him to take her out of the country until you have had a chance to speak to a lawyer and have started the divorce/custody process (if that is what you want).
I wouldn't wait around to see what his next move is...
Godd luck!!

It sounds like the docs aren't required in some situations.  How scary is that? I am trying to cover all the bases but it seems as if some are left unprotected no matter what is done.

I can definitely say that I will never give that authorization.  It only takes once and I absolutely believe  that if he would get the chance to take my daughter to Brasil on "vacation", she would NEVER return.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: liesl78 on March 26, 2009, 02:59:33 PM
USA Mom:
 
You said her Brazilian passport is expired? Then he won't be able to get her into Brazil without it and he needs your authorization to have a passport issued for her.
 
The Brazilian consulate won't give her a visa either, since she is a dual citizen.
 
I don't think you're paranoid at all, I think you're being SMART to read between the lines and try to prevent this from happening.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: riceandbeans on March 26, 2009, 03:00:25 PM
Quote from: USAMom;13973
...I keep being told that a "notarized document" is required...

Other than the passport, no document is required to leave the US with children. The travel document issued by the Brazilian consulate is required by the Federal Police in Brazil before boarding the plane back to the US if the child holds a Brazilian passport and is accompanied by only one parent.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: roger on March 26, 2009, 03:00:28 PM
Quote from: USAMom;13977
It sounds like the docs aren't required in some situations. How scary is that? I am trying to cover all the bases but it seems as if some are left unprotected no matter what is done.
 
I can definitely say that I will never give that authorization. It only takes once and I absolutely believe that if he would get the chance to take my daughter to Brasil on "vacation", she would NEVER return.

It is not a matter of "never giving that authorization".
 
It is a matter of letting all immigration authorities know that YOU DO NOT AUTHORIZE HIM TO TAKE YOUR DAUGHTER, AND WRITE WHATEVER PIECE OF PAPER IS REQUIRED TO MAKE THIS LEGALLY EFFECTIVE AND BINDING ON THESE AUTHORITIES.
 
In other words: instead of NOT SIGNING, I suggest you SIGN STUFF after seeking legal counsel immediately.
 
Do not think for a second you'll stay on the top of the game by waiting his next move and not signing papers.
 
I'm sorry, but the only way to control the proceedings is being actively involved, take action to find out what paperwork is required, instead of sitting around watching your daughter's every step or trying to guess your husband's next move.
 
I'm sorry to say it, but he already told you his next move, and then drew money out of the bank to pursue it.
 
This may be very tough to accept it, but it seems you're still in denial.
 
A family law attorney is the proper professional to let your mind free to go through all those phases of mourning the end of the relationship without jeopardizing your rights to custody and assets.
 
Do not trust Brazilian authorities to intervene if he gets to Brazil with his daughter using her U.S. passport that you currently hold. These authorities don't care about complying with the Hague Convention. Not even if you go to court. David's case if 4.5 years old. What are you waiting for, really?
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: tenorplus on March 26, 2009, 03:00:37 PM
Quote from: USAMom;13977
It sounds like the docs aren't required in some situations. How scary is that? I am trying to cover all the bases but it seems as if some are left unprotected no matter what is done.
 
I can definitely say that I will never give that authorization. It only takes once and I absolutely believe that if he would get the chance to take my daughter to Brasil on "vacation", she would NEVER return.

We all feel for you in this terrible ordeal! I suggest you really take to heart the advice of everyone... and Roger is right (he is an attorney in Brazil) - see an attorney now and get the required documents ASAP. The longer you wait the greater the chance there may be a move with your daughter. Grace has stated (above) that trying to work it out is a good first-option. She is right... two adults can hopefully work things out for the good of the child!! Sadly, this does not always happen! So - while trying to work things out with him... talking about it... make sure that (behind the scene) you are getting thes necessary documents ASAP. This protects you/your daughter regardless. We are here to support and encourage you before anything happens!!!! One of my/our regrets for David - we were not here from Day 1 to help and encourage him!!!!!!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: riceandbeans on March 26, 2009, 03:07:32 PM
Quote from: liesl78;13978
USA Mom:
 
You said her Brazilian passport is expired? Then he won't be able to get her into Brazil without it...

Only after coming back from our vacation trip one year, I noticed that my daughter's passport had expired months before we entered Brazil.  I assumed the Federal Police Officer either hadn't noticed it either or just hadn't bothered since her US passport was currently valid.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: tweinstein on March 26, 2009, 03:07:34 PM
I will send you Sean Collin's phone number and email by Private Message. He just went through this, unsuccessfully, last month. I think that he would have a good idea of what mistakes were made in his case so that it doesn't happen to you.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: MCD on March 26, 2009, 03:12:22 PM
Dear USAMom,

Follow Roger's advice, move forward but do not make your husband angry. I do believe that many cases of illegal retention or kidnapping are responses to one sided moves (I am guilty here...). My ex made me a prisoner of his whims with legal docs and hot shot lawyers. I hated him for that. How come he could not trust me after more than a decade of common life? He knew I was a good person and law-abiding, which I could not say for some of his sibblings. Nevertheless I never though of separating him from the kids. I asked his permission to go for 4 months to Brazil. He refused. After a while he did for one month. It was better than nothing. When I got to Brazil I found out my father was diagnosed with cancer. I am an only child. I had made a verbal agreement with my ex that if my parents ever needed me, I would go back to Brazil. So I asked him to make arrangements for the kids' situation. Instead he took advantage of the Hague, filed criminal charges against me behind my back, while he kept delaying his trip to Brazil to visit as we had planned on the phone. It was all a lie. He was planning to kidnap the kids instead. Of course I reacted the best way I could, a la Bruna. I kept the kids in Brazil. The anger/hurt cicle is unstoppable. I do think the same happened with David and Bruna.

Where all the deceiving come from? Anger, I guess. His family hated me for asking for the divorce. How could I leave their beloved son? So they financed him to make my life miserable. And my family hated him for being such a pain, and not respect my fathers illness.  . Now everything is OK. But it took a while!

Get a psychologist mediator immediately. Lawyers/legal mediators do not have the empathy skills needed for such a delicate matter.

If you need support. Here we are!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Mags on March 26, 2009, 03:15:00 PM
USAMom, Please adhere to Roger's advice. You need to stay ahead of the game not one step behind. Not to mention, a mother's intuition is usually right. By being cautious and proactive, you may be able to avoid a very painful tragedy. Good luck - my thoughts are with you.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: cynzanon on March 26, 2009, 03:15:25 PM
Quote from: lisacallenwood;13968
You're NOT being "paranoid" and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. As I've gotten older I've learned to LISTEN to that gut instinct - its there for a reason.
 
On another note, I've traveled out of the country with an unrelated minors (children's friends) 2 times in the past 2 years. On both occasions, no notorized permission-related documents were requested until returning BACK to the U.S. I found that odd.
 
Please be very careful with your daughter.

As I mentioned before, I'm brazilian, living in the US, and for the past 2 years have traveled with my daughter (she is 3) to Brazil without my husband...he always meet us there a few weeks later. NOT ONCE the authorization to travel was requested. NOT ONCE. And I have left from 2 different airports: Dulles (DC) and Boise (ID).
 
Something should be done, at least a requirement to see the authorization!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: roger on March 26, 2009, 03:17:27 PM
Quote from: tweinstein;13986
I will send you Sean Collin's phone number and email by Private Message. He just went through this, unsuccessfully, last month. I think that he would have a good idea of what mistakes were made in his case so that it doesn't happen to you.

I really urge to you retain legal counsel. If all these threads in the forum don't give you enough reason to do it, I don't know what else will.
 
You're actually already late, however painful it is, and it is painful indeed. File for custody. Now.
 
And don't trust sending e-mails to the Brazilian consulate will do the trick.
 
Sign an affidavit and have it legalized at the Brazilian Consulate NOT AUTHORIZING ANY TRIPS. BE PROACTIVE AND RETAIN LEGAL PROFESSIONAL HELP.
 
It should not cost a lot of money since you're still in the very beginning and nothing drastic has happened yet.
 
Obviously, these legal bills steep up considerably once you're no longer preventing something but trying to recover something that has already happened.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: roger on March 26, 2009, 03:25:02 PM
Quote from: MCD;13991
Dear USAMom,
 
Follow Roger's advice, move forward but do not make your husband angry. I do believe that many cases of illegal retention or kidnapping are responses to one sided moves (I am guilty here...). My ex made me a prisoner of his whims with legal docs and hot shot lawyers. I hated him for that. How come he could not trust me after more than a decade of common life? He knew I was a good person and law-abiding, which I could not say for some of his sibblings. Nevertheless I never though of separating him from the kids. I asked his permission to go for 4 months to Brazil. He refused. After a while he did for one month. It was better than nothing. When I got to Brazil I found out my father was diagnosed with cancer. I am an only child. I had made a verbal agreement with my ex that if my parents ever needed me, I would go back to Brazil. So I asked him to make arrangements for the kids' situation. Instead he took advantage of the Hague, filed criminal charges against me behind my back, while he kept delaying his trip to Brazil to visit as we had planned on the phone. It was all a lie. He was planning to kidnap the kids instead. Of course I reacted the best way I could, a la Bruna. I kept the kids in Brazil. The anger/hurt cicle is unstoppable. I do think the same happened with David and Bruna.
 
Where all the deceiving come from? Anger, I guess. His family hated me for asking for the divorce. How could I leave their beloved son? So they financed him to make my life miserable. And my family hated him for being such a pain, and not respect my fathers illness. . Now everything is OK. But it took a while!
 
Get a psychologist mediator immediately. Lawyers/legal mediators do not have the empathy skills needed for such a delicate matter.
 
If you need support. Here we are!

For empathy's sake you should strive together with your husband to get the best amicable divorce deal possible.
 
And shared custody should be out-of-bounds, because Brazil has been listed as non-compliant to the Hague Convention and any professioal mediator will be sensitive to this fact.
 
I'm all for amicable settlements and I do not have even a confrontation attitude as a professional, but you must know that ENFORCING these settlements becomes way tougher than if we were talking domestic law only, either U.S. or Brazilian domestic law.
 
Brazil is not for beginners. International law is not for beginners. And family law is not for beginners. So please don't take chances...
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Bree on March 26, 2009, 03:25:04 PM
Quote from: Mags;13992
USAMom, Please adhere to Roger's advice. You need to stay ahead of the game not one step behind. Not to mention, a mother's intuition is usually right. By being cautious and proactive, you may be able to avoid a very painful tragedy. Good luck - my thoughts are with you.

USAMom - I agree with everything said here!  Don't wait or it will be too late.  Roger has offered you some excellent advice.  
 
I do have one question:  when did your husband tell you about his sick mom?  Before or after you told him of the Goldman case?
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Claudia.Hope on March 26, 2009, 03:33:42 PM
Hi USAMom,
 
Be careful ok?
YES...He could go to Brazil and no passport is required IF he gets the "ARB"- Authorization to Return to Brazil, this is a kind of express passport issued for emergency.
 
Normally the procedures are the same (of the passaports), you have to sign and agree with it, but we never know what kind of story he could tell at the Consulates ?
 
 
 
Quote from: USAMom;13939
My husband and I are still married and live in the same house. To my knowledge, he has not yet retained an attorney in order to obtain a divorce. Our daughter is nearly 5 years old. She has dual citizenship, both in the USA and Brasil. She had a Brasilian passport but it expired in 2008. She has an American passport -- which I have custody of.
 
My husband has been here in the US for over 12 years. He has a job that he is not ecstatic about. He recently obtained a Bachelor's Degree here in the US, which I thought was very strange because he knows cannot move up in his present job. He has -0- interest in moving (but he really does not like it here, in our state and in the US in general). Therefore, he will be making student loan payments but without the opportunity to increase his income with a better job.
 
 
MOM
 
BUT I also know that a Bachelor's Degree from the US would translate into a good job for him in Brasil if he would move there, as he already has 2 advanced degrees he earned in Brasil. Plus he would not have to worry about how to pay the student loans back. He hurried his way through as quickly as he could, finishing 9 months earlier than expected. I also thought that was odd, since he has no plans to change jobs and knows that his new degree will not help him in the least at his present employer.
 
My husband's father is a retired high-level federal judge in Brasil. He still retains much of the powers associated with his position. ( In fact, my husband's entire family is in Brasil.
 
Recently, my husband advised me that his mother was diagnosed with cancer last November. (Odd that I heard about it 3 months after the fact.) He also said that his grandfather was diagnosed with incurable cancer. He then then advised me that he was planning to take our daughter with him on a visit there. At the time, I'd barely heard about the Goldman case. As my husband and I were arguing about the fact that he wanted to take her to Brasil without me, I said, "What would be your motivation to come back?" It then hit me that he, in fact, would not come back.
 
He also took a large sum of money out of our bank account last fall, telling me that "It was HIS money and he did not need to ask permission to use it, or to tell me what he was doing with it".
 
My husband's life in Brasil was very much like Bruna Goldman's. When he visits there, the maid takes care of everything. He does very little -- he does nothing, actually, except what he wants (which is very similar to his life here in the US, minus the maid. Or perhaps that was to be my role). I know he misses his family and his life there. He hates having a house here - home maintenance is not something he enjoys in the least. Truthfully, I cannot think of one thing he enjoys about living in the US except the fact that our daughter is here.
 
I have contacted a Brasilian Consulate and was given email addresses for them all, so that I could advise them that I DO NOT give permission for:
 
1. my daughter to travel to Brasil
2. for any Brasilian passports to be issued in my daughter's name
 
If anyone has any further suggestions / advisements, I would greatly appreciate hearing them. I would also appreciate hearing from those who have had similar experiences while being married to Brasilians, and what they did regarding their situation. Maybe it would help me to realize I am not the only one either in this kind of situation, or who has dealt with this kind of situation.
 
Sometimes I think I am crazy. He does a good job of making me feel like I am, and that I am waaaay too paranoid.
 
Thanks for your time!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: beth on March 26, 2009, 03:36:13 PM
He does not need your authorization to leave the country with your daughter,  he just need her and her brazilian passport.
The USA does not require such authorization to leave the country, Brazil in the other hand does. Which means that if he he leaves the country with her, that would be a big problem.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: roger on March 26, 2009, 03:36:52 PM
Quote from: Claudia.Hope;13997
Hi USAMom,
 
Be careful ok?
YES...He could go to Brazil and no passport is required IF he gets the "ARB"- Authorization to Return to Brazil, this is a kind of express passport issued for emergency.
 
Normally the procedures are the same (of the passaports), you have to sign and agree with it, but we never know what kind of story he could tell at the Consulates ?

One more reason to act now.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Bob D'Amico on March 26, 2009, 03:38:24 PM
No better advice than Roger's BE PROACTIVE, GET A FAMILY LAWYER RIGHT NOW.

STAY PROACTIVE ON YOUR OWN:
1: Email is worthless!
2: "Sign an affidavit and have it legalized at the Brazilian Consulate NOT AUTHORIZING ANY TRIPS."
3: Fill out and submit all the documents for the US State Dept's Abduction unit.
4: Contact by phone and letter the airlines at your local airport notifying them of a possible child abduction. Have your daughters name put on the domestic and international NO FLY list.
5: Same goes for US Customs and Border Control.

People may tell you they can't help because no law has been broken but if you send a letter someone will pay attention. You need everyone to pay attention!

Don't become a statistic!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: MCD on March 26, 2009, 03:39:44 PM
Quote from: roger;13995
For empathy's sake you should strive together with your husband to get the best amicable divorce deal possible.
 
And share custody should be out-of-bounds, because Brazil has been listed as non-compliant to the Hague Convention and any professioal mediator will be sensitive to this fact to take chances with it.
 
I'm all for amicable settlements and I do not have even a confrontation attitude as a professional, but you must know that ENFORCING these settlements become way tougher than if we were talking domestic law only, either U.S. or Brazilian domestic law.
 
Brazil is not for beginners. International law is not for beginners. And family law is not for beginnners. So please don't take chances...

Roger,
Don't you think she should get her custody here, and then "homologar" no Brazil?
If I was USAMom, I would do the papers here with the help of lawyers and the mediation person. Then travel to Brazil with her husband and daughter. Notify the US consulate there she was going to do it. Do the custody papers in Brazil. And then pray!

If everything is done right and without anger it should work to all parts.

And BTW, is your husband an active parent in the work part of bringing up a child? If only does the fun part of it, he may not be even thinking of keeping her full time in Brazil.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: roger on March 26, 2009, 03:42:54 PM
Quote from: beth;13998
He does not need your authorization to leave the country with your daughter, he just need her and her brazilian passport.
The USA does not require such authorization to leave the country, Brazil in the other hand does. Which means that if he he leaves the country with her, that would be a big problem.

But the Brazilian passport expired, so it's going to be hard to get a new one without an authorization from both parents.
 
In any case, the Brazilian Consulate with proper jurisdiction the U.S. should be immediately advised by an affidavit signed by you, in the presence of a notary public, that you do not give this authorization for the issue of a new passport, nor even for the ARB that Claudia mentioned, and much less for a trip overseas.
 
And I think you should have your daughter's U.S. passport securely stored, that is, in a safe deposit box located outside your home. But for that you'll have to seek legal advice to avoid any trouble for you.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: SteveW on March 26, 2009, 03:48:45 PM
Listen to Roger.  Get good legal council, experienced in international family law. Make sure they understand you want to be PROACTIVE in this and then follow their advice.  
 
Cases like this are why Brazil really needs to get in step with the Hague Convention.  Someday that little girl SHOULD be permitted to visit her Brazilian family, but we know that authorities there CANNOT be trusted. :burn::mad2::madgo:
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: USAMom on March 26, 2009, 04:08:02 PM
Quote from: roger;13995
For empathy's sake you should strive together with your husband to get the best amicable divorce deal possible.
 
And shared custody should be out-of-bounds, because Brazil has been listed as non-compliant to the Hague Convention and any professioal mediator will be sensitive to this fact.
 
I'm all for amicable settlements and I do not have even a confrontation attitude as a professional, but you must know that ENFORCING these settlements becomes way tougher than if we were talking domestic law only, either U.S. or Brazilian domestic law.
 
Brazil is not for beginners. International law is not for beginners. And family law is not for beginners. So please don't take chances...

Roger,

My husband has a ton of lawyers, including international lawyers, in his family in Sao Paulo.  I am sure he has gotten a ton of advice from everyone.  

From the time I arrived at the airport in Sao Paulo and met my inlaws right at the plane - though they had no ticket for travel - I realized very quickly that Brasil does things very differently than here in the US.

I appreciate your feedback very much.  It is a cold dose of water, yes, but it is also much-needed.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: USAMom on March 26, 2009, 04:11:51 PM
Quote from: SteveW;14005
Listen to Roger.  Get good legal council, experienced in international family law. Make sure they understand you want to be PROACTIVE in this and then follow their advice.  
 
Cases like this are why Brazil really needs to get in step with the Hague Convention.  Someday that little girl SHOULD be permitted to visit her Brazilian family, but we know that authorities there CANNOT be trusted. :burn::mad2::madgo:

Steve,

The sad thing is that my husband's family should get to see their granddaughter / niece/ great-granddaughter / cousin, etc. but the sad thing is that my father in law is an "authority" and he would do whatever he could to secure the happiness of his son.  I know she'd not return and that is why I can't allow it to happen, not even once.  So sad.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Claudia.Hope on March 26, 2009, 04:14:15 PM
Roger,
Another problem is:
IF he goes IN PERSON he could get any documment in any Brazilian Consulate, I think her jurisdiction is in Washignton (New Brazilian Consulate) but we should not be naive and think he will go there, too much obvious.
I think she needs you Roger, like counselor, mentor and lawyer:D
 
Quote from: roger;14003
But the Brazilian passport expired, so it's going to be hard to get a new one without an authorization from both parents.
 
In any case, the Brazilian Consulate with proper jurisdiction the U.S. should be immediately advised by an affidavit signed by you, in the presence of a notary public, that you do not give this authorization for the issue of a new passport, nor even for the ARB that Claudia mentioned, and much less for a trip overseas.
 
And I think you should have your daughter's U.S. passport securely stored, that is, in a safe deposit box located outside your home. But for that you'll have to seek legal advice to avoid any trouble for you.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: roger on March 26, 2009, 04:17:40 PM
Quote from: USAMom;14006
Roger,
 
My husband has a ton of lawyers, including international lawyers, in his family in Sao Paulo. I am sure he has gotten a ton of advice from everyone.
 
From the time I arrived at the airport in Sao Paulo and met my inlaws right at the plane - though they had no ticket for travel - I realized very quickly that Brasil does things very differently than here in the US.
 
I appreciate your feedback very much. It is a cold dose of water, yes, but it is also much-needed.

I was not mentioning your husband getting proper legal advice. I meant you, and your reply just shows that you're already below par and need to step up your act.
 
I do not see this as a competition or a fight, don't get me wrong, but it will become one as soon as you are willing to take chances and your husband manages to get your daughter into Brazil - I don't care how he can make that happens, but he can always try and perhaps succeed.
 
Please get legal advice in the U.S. as soon as possible so that you and her don't get yourselves estranged from each other.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Claudia.Hope on March 26, 2009, 04:17:45 PM
Quote from: Bob D'Amico;14000
No better advice than Roger's BE PROACTIVE, GET A FAMILY LAWYER RIGHT NOW.
 
STAY PROACTIVE ON YOUR OWN:
1: Email is worthless!
2: "Sign an affidavit and have it legalized at the Brazilian Consulate NOT AUTHORIZING ANY TRIPS."
3: Fill out and submit all the documents for the US State Dept's Abduction unit.
4: Contact by phone and letter the airlines at your local airport notifying them of a possible child abduction. Have your daughters name put on the domestic and international NO FLY list.
5: Same goes for US Customs and Border Control.
 
People may tell you they can't help because no law has been broken but if you send a letter someone will pay attention. You need everyone to pay attention!
 
Don't become a statistic!

:yeahthat:
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: USAMom on March 26, 2009, 04:22:37 PM
Quote from: Bree;13996
USAMom - I agree with everything said here!  Don't wait or it will be too late.  Roger has offered you some excellent advice.  
 
I do have one question:  when did your husband tell you about his sick mom?  Before or after you told him of the Goldman case?

Bree,

It happened like this:

My husband told me that he wanted to take my daughter to Brasil for a visit without me, since I don't enjoy myself when we are there.  (In other words, he doesn't enjoy himself because he does not want to translate for me. He sees me as a huge liability in Brasil, and most likely overall.)

I said no.

He'd mentioned wanting a divorce prior and did not do anything else regarding it.  He said nothing about divorce for months.  After the no from me regarding traveling to Brasil, he mentioned divorce again.

I sent him a link regarding the Goldman case, telling him that this was why our daughter was not stepping foot in Brasil.

He then told me a month or so later that his mother had cancer and that his grandfather also had cancer.  He explained he'd known about both for around 3 months prior to telling me. He gave no explanations as to why he said nothing for 3 months.  

It is a HUGE mess.  

I did speak with one of the Goldman family by phone, to let them know that David is not just helping those already in this situation.  He is also helping many avoid this situation, those of us who might have blindly allowed our children to be stolen right from underneath our noses.  I might have trusted my husband to return, though maybe in the back of my mind I would have known better and refused to give consent.  All I do know is now I will not give consent.  My eyes have been opened. And now I will be doing all I can do to stop this from happening to my daughter.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: roger on March 26, 2009, 04:25:39 PM
Quote from: USAMom;14008
Steve,
 
The sad thing is that my husband's family should get to see their granddaughter / niece/ great-granddaughter / cousin, etc. but the sad thing is that my father in law is an "authority" and he would do whatever he could to secure the happiness of his son. I know she'd not return and that is why I can't allow it to happen, not even once. So sad.

Yes, very sad for them, that's not easy for anyone involved.
 
But it's not actually sooooo sad if you think they seem to be able to afford air tickets to visit your daughter as much as they want, in your home in the U.S., according to the custody arrangements you will reach in a U.S. court.
 
Much worse will it be if you get yourself into a position of not being able to see your daughter because a Brazilian court with no jurisdiction end up giving full custody to your husband.
 
It's really your choice now.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: USAMom on March 26, 2009, 04:30:32 PM
Quote from: roger;14010
I was not mentioning your husband getting proper legal advice. I meant you, and your reply just shows that you're already below par and need to step up your act.
 
I do not see this as a competition or a fight, don't get me wrong, but it will become one as soon as you are willing to take chances and your husband manages to get your daughter into Brazil - I don't care how he can make that happens, but he can always try and perhaps succeed.
 
Please get legal advice in the U.S. as soon as possible so that you and her don't get yourselves estranged from each other.

Roger,

I knew what you meant. I was acknowledging that he has probably already and will in the future have that sort of help.  I do not.  

I did meet with a divorce lawyer but she did not have any experience regarding anything to do with international law and custody in situations like that. We did talk about it but only briefly.

I don't know where in this area I can find a lawyer specializing in international law / divorce and custody situations.  Tomorrow I will call the bar association and see if they have recommendations.  

As far as the estrangement goes, his mood changes with the wind but I am not fooled.  Like you said, the evidence is in front of my face.  I do see it all but it is my first marriage and I'd hoped my only marriage.  It sucks for everyone and mostly for my daughter.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: USAMom on March 26, 2009, 04:34:07 PM
Quote from: USAMom;14014
Roger,

I knew what you meant. I was acknowledging that he has probably already and will in the future have that sort of help.  I do not.  

I did meet with a divorce lawyer but she did not have any experience regarding anything to do with international law and custody in situations like that. We did talk about it but only briefly.

I don't know where in this area I can find a lawyer specializing in international law / divorce and custody situations.  Tomorrow I will call the bar association and see if they have recommendations.  

As far as the estrangement goes, his mood changes with the wind but I am not fooled.  Like you said, the evidence is in front of my face.  I do see it all but it is my first marriage and I'd hoped my only marriage.  It sucks for everyone and mostly for my daughter.

I emailed all 8 consulates and received responses from a couple.  I got a phone call from one.  He was very helpful and advised me to email him and the other 7 consulates new pictures of my daughter.  I am doing so. I am also looking at getting the affidavit, starting tomorrow.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Nicole's Dad on March 26, 2009, 04:35:11 PM
Quote from: riceandbeans;13979
Other than the passport, no document is required to leave the US with children. The travel document issued by the Brazilian consulate is required by the Federal Police in Brazil before boarding the plane back to the US if the child holds a Brazilian passport and is accompanied by only one parent.

Sorry Rideandbeans but you are wrong. There is a requirement for a minor child traveling with one parent. The problem is that there is no enforcement of the law because it is such a grey area with law enforcement. The airlines are suppose to ask for this but a lot of times they do not because of regulations not being strong enough.
 
My advice to you USAmom is to get a lawyer NOW. Do not be intimidated by any of this and DO NOT let him take your daughter to Brazil. She will be GONE if you do!!!! I do not care if a judge says it's okay or not. File an appeal and keep filing them with evidence to show that Brazil is non-compliant with the Hague treaty until the judge gets it. I would try and find an attorney with strong family law skills and you should direct him to this website. You stand your ground and DO NOT budge.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Nicole's Dad on March 26, 2009, 04:44:18 PM
Quote from: USAMom;14012
Bree,
 
It happened like this:
 
My husband told me that he wanted to take my daughter to Brasil for a visit without me, since I don't enjoy myself when we are there. (In other words, he doesn't enjoy himself because he does not want to translate for me. He sees me as a huge liability in Brasil, and most likely overall.)
 
I said no.
 
He'd mentioned wanting a divorce prior and did not do anything else regarding it. He said nothing about divorce for months. After the no from me regarding traveling to Brasil, he mentioned divorce again.
 
I sent him a link regarding the Goldman case, telling him that this was why our daughter was not stepping foot in Brasil.
 
He then told me a month or so later that his mother had cancer and that his grandfather also had cancer. He explained he'd known about both for around 3 months prior to telling me. He gave no explanations as to why he said nothing for 3 months.
 
It is a HUGE mess.
 
I did speak with one of the Goldman family by phone, to let them know that David is not just helping those already in this situation. He is also helping many avoid this situation, those of us who might have blindly allowed our children to be stolen right from underneath our noses. I might have trusted my husband to return, though maybe in the back of my mind I would have known better and refused to give consent. All I do know is now I will not give consent. My eyes have been opened. And now I will be doing all I can do to stop this from happening to my daughter.

 
Stop being naive. Take a stand and who the hell cares what his family has in Brazil. This is YOUR child. Not theirs. You let her go to Brazil and you will have a very hard time even seeing your daughter.
 
GET A LAWYER AND ACT NOW!!!!!!. Get him to this website and he will have more than enough evidence to stand up and fight for you and your child.
 
Sympathy does not work in cases like this. I can promise you he will have none when he takes your child from you. Good luck and hope you do not become a statistic like ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Nicole's Dad on March 26, 2009, 05:00:33 PM
If you do not act NOW, you will live to regret it. Like Roger said. He's already telling you what his plans are. Don't think for one minute that he won't do it. And don't be intimidated by his hot shot dad being a judge. Who cares. He's in Brazil.
 
If I knew in August 2006 what I know now, my daughter would still be here and not sitting down there being held illegally by a rogue country and their unruly leaders and judicial system.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: GEORGE GORGAS on March 26, 2009, 05:30:57 PM
Quote from: USAMom;13939
My husband and I are still married and live in the same house. To my knowledge, he has not yet retained an attorney in order to obtain a divorce. Our daughter is nearly 5 years old. She has dual citizenship, both in the USA and Brasil. She had a Brasilian passport but it expired in 2008. She has an American passport -- which I have custody of.
 
My husband has been here in the US for over 12 years. He has a job that he is not ecstatic about. He recently obtained a Bachelor's Degree here in the US, which I thought was very strange because he knows cannot move up in his present job. He has -0- interest in moving (but he really does not like it here, in our state and in the US in general). Therefore, he will be making student loan payments but without the opportunity to increase his income with a better job.
 
BUT I also know that a Bachelor's Degree from the US would translate into a good job for him in Brasil if he would move there, as he already has 2 advanced degrees he earned in Brasil. Plus he would not have to worry about how to pay the student loans back. He hurried his way through as quickly as he could, finishing 9 months earlier than expected. I also thought that was odd, since he has no plans to change jobs and knows that his new degree will not help him in the least at his present employer.
 
My husband's father is a retired high-level federal judge in Brasil. He still retains much of the powers associated with his position. ( In fact, my husband's entire family is in Brasil.
 
Recently, my husband advised me that his mother was diagnosed with cancer last November. (Odd that I heard about it 3 months after the fact.) He also said that his grandfather was diagnosed with incurable cancer. He then then advised me that he was planning to take our daughter with him on a visit there. At the time, I'd barely heard about the Goldman case. As my husband and I were arguing about the fact that he wanted to take her to Brasil without me, I said, "What would be your motivation to come back?" It then hit me that he, in fact, would not come back.
 
He also took a large sum of money out of our bank account last fall, telling me that "It was HIS money and he did not need to ask permission to use it, or to tell me what he was doing with it".
 
My husband's life in Brasil was very much like Bruna Goldman's. When he visits there, the maid takes care of everything. He does very little -- he does nothing, actually, except what he wants (which is very similar to his life here in the US, minus the maid. Or perhaps that was to be my role). I know he misses his family and his life there. He hates having a house here - home maintenance is not something he enjoys in the least. Truthfully, I cannot think of one thing he enjoys about living in the US except the fact that our daughter is here.
 
I have contacted a Brasilian Consulate and was given email addresses for them all, so that I could advise them that I DO NOT give permission for:
 
1. my daughter to travel to Brasil
2. for any Brasilian passports to be issued in my daughter's name
 
If anyone has any further suggestions / advisements, I would greatly appreciate hearing them. I would also appreciate hearing from those who have had similar experiences while being married to Brasilians, and what they did regarding their situation. Maybe it would help me to realize I am not the only one either in this kind of situation, or who has dealt with this kind of situation.
 
Sometimes I think I am crazy. He does a good job of making me feel like I am, and that I am waaaay too paranoid.
 
Thanks for your time!

 
NO No No to Travel out of the states, even if you go to brazil with him and your child he could abducted her then. dont let you child leave the USA
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Grace on March 26, 2009, 05:36:05 PM
Quote from: USAMom;14008
Steve,
 
The sad thing is that my husband's family should get to see their granddaughter / niece/ great-granddaughter / cousin, etc. but the sad thing is that my father in law is an "authority" and he would do whatever he could to secure the happiness of his son. I know she'd not return and that is why I can't allow it to happen, not even once. So sad.

I know how it is there with powerful families. They will do anything to help their kids using "influence".
 
Do whatever you can so he cannot take her without your permission. Protect yourself and her. Still, make sure your husband is really planning on that.
 
It seems he has some bitterness towards the US and his life here, like he could be doing better in Brazil. Similar to Bruna's case it seems.
 
The other thing I did not like is how he left you to his own devices in Brazil. See, I was married to a Polish guy for 16 years, plus 4 years of dating. I went to Poland many times. I also did not understand the language at all. But I tried to like the place, and I enrolled myself in Polish courses.
 
When there is love, people overcome all these things. They decide jointly what is best for the FAMILY, not just for one. It seems that your marriage is on the rocks. And since you don't consider living in Brazil, then there is no hope if he wants to go back.
 
Protect yourself with documentation and the law as much as you can following everyone's advice here. Maybe you should ask him outright what what are his plans for the future. If he tells you adamatly he wants to go back to Brazil, tell him if that is the case you want to have a fair custody agreement where he can come and his your daughter. Tell him firmly her primary residence will be here in the US with you. If he shows ANY intention of makes any comments he does not like that idea, you know not to send her to Brazil for vacations until she completes 18 years of age.
 
Protect yourself the best you can, and talk to him and find out what his plan is. You may find out stuff from his body language, some people are ot good liars.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Grace on March 26, 2009, 05:40:21 PM
"(In other words, he doesn't enjoy himself because he does not want to translate for me. He sees me as a huge liability in Brasil, and most likely overall.)"
 
It is a pain. When my husband goes with me to Brazil my head almost explodes trying to translate everything. I feel bad for him there. I also hate when I am with a group of Brazilians having fun here and he just sits there. We do best with other Brazilian women who also date or have American husbands, so he can talk to them. I can relate a little to your husband when it comes to that. Not with wanting to take your child from you-that is the most horrid thing you can do to a parent.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Grace on March 26, 2009, 05:48:08 PM
I am not sure about this ok, but I remember once my passport was expired and someone from the Consulate in Washington told me that they would let me in the country and I had a number of days to renew it-THERE. So I am not completely sure he wouldnt be able to travel with an expired child's passport, especially with a parent.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: tweinstein on March 26, 2009, 06:04:35 PM
As I was speaking to USAMom on the phone, her husband came home from work. If she doesn't participate tonight in this thread, you know why. She'll be back tomorrow when he is at work again.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Nicole's Dad on March 26, 2009, 06:23:20 PM
I'm sorry to say but some of the reactions here are really pissing me off. This man has already said that he wants to take the child to Brazil without her. It doesn't matter what the reasons are why he wants to do it. He's already taken money out of their account. Those are all RED FLAGS.
 
If they are having marital problems, it's not our business nor is it our business to advise her on trying to work it out. Don't some of you realize that she will be falling right into his sympathy trap if she tries that? He will pretend it's all good and she will be weak and then allow him to take the child with her thinking it's all okay now? Cmon.
 
The only focus and advice we should be giving her is about the child. It's unfortunate but nobody cares about her marital problems. This man is trying to convince her to take her child away from her. She needs to take a stand against EVIL people!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
All this softie XXX approach just does not work with these type of people. We need to provide assistance in preventing ANOTHER child abduction. That's it. We are not here to be marriage counselers. We are here to bring Sean home and the other children and to help prevent this from ever happening again.
 
Sorry about getting on my soapbox. This man is trying to abduct one of OUR American children. This woman needs to get as far away from him as possible and set up the barriers where she needs to set them up. We are here to help this child from being another victim of parent alienation and seperation. Nothing more.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: AnotherDad on March 26, 2009, 06:32:22 PM
I don't know what state she lives in, but I think most states will give her an emergency restraining order regarding the kids, based upon her evidence. She can prevent this abduction with a good, aggressive atty. Roger is not kidding.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: riceandbeans on March 26, 2009, 06:32:55 PM
Quote from: Nicole's Dad;14016
Sorry Rideandbeans but you are wrong. There is a requirement for a minor child traveling with one parent. The problem is that there is no enforcement of the law because it is such a grey area with law enforcement. The airlines are suppose to ask for this but a lot of times they do not because of regulations not being strong enough.

Huuumm... Interesting. because according to a reminder on The Department of State (http://travel.state.gov/family/abduction/prevention/prevention_560.html) website related to children abduction:


REMINDER: The United States government does not have exit controls at the border. There is no way to stop someone with valid travel documents from leaving the United States. The U.S. government does not check the names or the documents of travelers leaving the United States. Many foreign countries do not require a passport for entry. A birth certificate is sufficient to enter some foreign countries. If your child has a valid passport from any country, he or she may be able to travel outside the United States without your consent.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: caique mateus on March 26, 2009, 06:38:22 PM
Regarding the expired Brazilian passport, I wouldn't count on that to avoid anything. I traveled to Brazil once with an "autorização de viagem" because my Brazilian passport was expired and the Brazilian Consulate wouldn't issue a new one in time. It was never a problem for me to leave Europe, since I have an European passport too. When I arrived in Brazil, I proactively showed the man on the border that the Brazilian passport was expired and that I had an authorization. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even notice. But even if I didn't have the authorization what would he do? I am a Brazilian citizen. Where would he send me to?
 
Just another thing, most Brazilian people understand spanish very well, with no study at all. And also speak well enough to comunicate easily. Portuguese and spanish are very similar, but Portuguese has more sounds than Spanish. So, Spanish is almost like a "bonus" for portuguese speakers. It's not that easy the other way around. Spanish speaking people will not understand portuguese that easily. So, if this is the case that he could be trying some kind of "kidnapping arrangement" in Mexico, language wouldn't be a problem.
 
I'm very sorry for your situation. I would go for all the proactive advices you received in this forum. Don't be naive, get a lawyer, take all actions.
 
I would also dare to give one more piece of advice. Make a network of friends, count on them for personnal support for you. They can help you to stay strong when things get ugly, which probably will happen, let's face it.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Sheryl on March 26, 2009, 07:05:04 PM
USA Mom, Watch for ANY change in his behavior or activities- good or bad. It may be a sign that something is going to change. Any chance of getting into his computer history? Is there anyone at his job you can trust and talk to?
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: paigefaust10 on March 26, 2009, 07:08:08 PM
USAMom, Roger and Nicole's Father is right; there are multiple red flags that your husband has already shown; the biggest one is withdrawing a large amount of money. Please be careful and PROACTIVE....you are a mother and our instincts are strong, use them. And get an International lawyer, maybe one who is very educated on the Hague Convention, just in case. I'm no lawyer, but have been on this board long enough to know that you can protect you and your daughter in advance from your husband. Good luck! We are here for you.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: momofthree on March 26, 2009, 07:09:36 PM
Quote from: riceandbeans;14061
Huuumm... Interesting. because according to a reminder on The Department of State (http://travel.state.gov/family/abduction/prevention/prevention_560.html) website related to children abduction:


REMINDER: The United States government does not have exit controls at the border. There is no way to stop someone with valid travel documents from leaving the United States. The U.S. government does not check the names or the documents of travelers leaving the United States. Many foreign countries do not require a passport for entry. A birth certificate is sufficient to enter some foreign countries. If your child has a valid passport from any country, he or she may be able to travel outside the United States without your consent.


uh-oh...didn't she mention earlier that she had given him the child's birth certificate? Would that be enough to enter Brazil with her? (Assuming she gave him the Brazilian certificate of birth abroad)
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: paigefaust10 on March 26, 2009, 07:19:39 PM
Quote from: momofthree;14072
uh-oh...didn't she mention earlier that she had given him the child's birth certificate? Would that be enough to enter Brazil with her? (Assuming she gave him the Brazilian certificate of birth abroad)

No, she has both her daughter's birth certificate and US passport, but a birth certificate is easily obtained so she is worried about that.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: momofthree on March 26, 2009, 07:21:29 PM
Quote from: paigefaust10;14074
No, she has both her daughter's birth certificate and US passport, but a birth certificate is easily obtained so she is worried about that.


Ok, I just reread that....but he can probably just get a copy from the Embassy...she better act quickly!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: paigefaust10 on March 26, 2009, 07:23:42 PM
I know...it's easy to obtain a birth cert for your child...which is why Roger and everyone else has told her to do something fast and not wait for her husband's next move. Oh, I can't imagine how she must be feeling....
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Sheryl on March 26, 2009, 07:29:49 PM
USAMOM, Please don't fall for a sudden change of heart in regards to a divorce, continue with seeking the advice of an attorney. He is going to make it sound as if you are crazy for thinking a certain way or belittle you in subtle ways so you always doubt yourself. Does he isolate you from friends and family? Make sure your friends and family are AWARE of what is going on! They can help keep an eye out for you and watch your daughter. Do you have an emergency place to go and some cash? Stash some clothes in the trunk of your car in case you need to get away fast without him being aware of what you are doing. You are NOT crazy! These gut feelings you are having are telling you to be watchful.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Claudia.Hope on March 26, 2009, 07:36:19 PM
ALERT:
Another thing to consider ....
There is a black market for the Brazilian passport, so you can get one very easy...:(
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: abbysomething on March 26, 2009, 08:18:47 PM
I am amazed that it's so easy to take a child. My son is an actor and whenever we travel to Canada or the UK, I have to have a notorized letter from my husband and they check our documents and question me at every check point.
 
The last time we went to Canada they asked me a lot of questions and looked over my papers so closely. This kind of scrutiny, by the way, started when my son was first traveling at 9 years old, and continued even when they recognized him from movies and asked him for an autograph.
 
All of this was before I knew about cases like Sean yet I was really happy that the airport took these precautions. I was very patient while they did the security checks. It gave me piece of mind for other parents, but now I see it's not kidnap proof.
 
By the way, both my husband and I had to be present just to get our son's passport. I'm not sure if a notorized note could be used.
 
I would also like to add, do not feel bad about your suspicions, better paranoid then childless. Given the details you've shared here, I don't trust your husband for ONE second and from the sound of it, you are very very wise to be suspicious. It is looking and walking like a duck.
 
I am not trying to add to your stress but I would also advise you to make sure whenever he is with her, or picks her up, there are witnesses if possible. That way she would fit the criteria for an Amber Alert if need be. (you need to know the abducter, make of car and plate number).
 
Best of luck to you and may we all enjoy many happy healthy years with our children.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: busylizzy on March 26, 2009, 08:29:15 PM
USAMOM,
 
Please be very careful and act fast. Listen to the advice given in all these threads. You are NOT crazy, but he will make you feel like that. Do you have a community resource centre you can go to for a briefing on keeping you and your daughter safe in an emergency situation? They will give you tips and tricks, stash money away with a trusting friend or family member away from your home, keep a list of important phone numbers on you and at a safe location, keep all passports and birth cert. locked up away from your home ( a safety deposit box is good), keep a record of you rmarriage certificate, start to make copies of all you assets, investments, receipts for items purchased in home ( helpful for division of assets), list of all you assets and values and proof if available of what you owned prior to marriage, copies of all you income tax filings, copies of home purchase documents, copies of his expenses and withdrawls from the joint account, keep a diary away from home with notes of all dates and times of incidents and conversations, purchase a mini tape recorder if you have to, to record conversations and hide tapes in safety deposit box. Be very careful who you trust or speak to about your plans, keep it to a minimum as there is always one who you think you can trust who will spill the beans to him, and don't ever underestimate his actions. If you think he could not be bothered to look at this site or read the Goldman case, you are WRONG - trust me, he they play dumb and seem disinterested, all the while they are planning their attack (so to speak).
 
GO AND SEEK LEGAL HELP NOW - file for a divorce and custody only after you have gotten all of your paperwork out of the house, have money on the side to make a move to a safe place with your daughter and don't enter into long discussions or arguements with him.
 
Be careful, you never know what someone's breaking pint is when they will explode and you want to keep yourself and your daughter safe.
 
Good luck - my thoughts are with you.
 
Fight for your self and your daughter and be strong because the emotional and psychological and mental stress of the next little while will feel like it is killing you.
 
I know, I lived through it... it nearly killed me.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: SageDad on March 26, 2009, 09:07:14 PM
Quote from: abbysomething;14091
. That way she would fit the criteria for an Amber Alert if need be. (you need to know the abducter, make of car and plate number).
 
Best of luck to you and may we all enjoy many happy healthy years with our children.


Sad to say but this country is a long way away from issuing an amber alert for a parental abduction unless she has a mountain of legal documents and believeably claims the child is in danger with the father.  Without all the legal groundwork and paperwork in place I wouldn't be surprised if the police didn't even file a report if she called to report an international parental abduction.  When I called the police after tracing emails to Mexico, they told me "well you know he's [my son] in Mexico right?"... "well then he's not missing".  They didn't even file a report!  They told me since I didn't have a custody order my wife had custody (though she didn't have one either).
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: dmdaven2 on March 26, 2009, 09:26:40 PM
Crazy thing is, I knew the WHOLE time my baby's mother was going to take my daughter out of the country, and even had EVIDENCE of her saying her plans...and still couldn't prevent it...sad but there is no actions for abductions until AFTER an abduction happened...even the so called "prevention" methods seldom work..look at Sean Collins case, the police actually detained the mother at the airport and she was STILL able to leave...I don't know...all i can say is with this group of people and this support, any future child abductors should think twice...it's not gonna be that easy anymore! :mad2:

Established 2009: The League of Extraordinary Parents!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: kimmy on March 26, 2009, 09:27:39 PM
Can anyone tell us if the father could apply for a new US passport for the daughter by saying he lost the original one?  Do both parents need to sign the forms? It may do mom no good to hide the US passport if dad can get another.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: André Felipe on March 26, 2009, 09:28:17 PM
well, you have an advantage, you are woman, you are a mother!
 
brazilian judges tends to make decisions favourable to mothers. There is a general idea here that is better a child be with the mom than with the father, if the parents are separated.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: dmdaven2 on March 26, 2009, 09:31:01 PM
^^ Yea, but let's hope they stop with the favoritism and 1) make decisions based on the TREATY alone, which is jurisdiction, and 2) make decisions on a case by case basis based on the parents abilities to care for the child, not their sex.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: André Felipe on March 26, 2009, 09:35:24 PM
Quote from: dmdaven2;14110
^^ Yea, but let's hope they stop with the favoritism and 1) make decisions based on the TREATY alone, which is jurisdiction, and 2) make decisions on a case by case basis based on the parents abilities to care for the child, not their sex.

yes, specially with Hague´s case, in many cases here in Brasil is better the child be most of time with the mother indeed, but that "general idea" shouldn´t prevail above international child abduction cases.
 
but I said that because, at least, this "general idea" will benefit her if the worst happens.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Teena on March 26, 2009, 10:24:35 PM
PLEASE LISTEN TO THE ADVICE! BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Wendy on March 26, 2009, 10:35:08 PM
USAMom..I think you have made the first most important step and that is posting your concerns here and seeing that no matter what he says, you are NOT crazy.  I was concerned reading the things you say he's done and I would be more than a little freaked out.  Please call an attorney (and maybe even one that is well-versed in the Hague?) and get documents taken care of.  I'll be thinking of you!!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Belleizel on March 27, 2009, 12:06:07 AM
I see all your pain. so sorry for that.
I see how the David Goldman case, can open doors, for you and another person that live in the same situation. Soon in Brasil, will hapen a hally, and in Usa too.
To make a hally and send letter, is a way of dont give up.
I pray to God to make you be stronger in this hard situation.
Dont give up. Keep all this love, and say to yourself.
I can, I am not will give up! Nothing is impossible if you believe!
Pray to God. Spend time with your family and friends, you are not alone.
Title: Question to André Felipe and Roger. Is it possible?
Post by: caique mateus on March 27, 2009, 04:32:32 AM
One legal question for our lawyers.
 
I remember that when Bruna moved to Rio she asked for the custody in Rio saying that she had an agreement with her husband for the separation (she said the conversation started while she was in USA, right?) and that the child was in a school already.
 
Is it possible that USAMom sends some kind of "awarning" to Brazilian forum, cartórios, Polícia Federal (who else?) in the area where husband family's lives telling that her daughter lives in USA, USA is her local place of residence, any kind of custody negotiation should go in USA, etc., etc., etc...? She could also send letters to schools in the area telling that and awarning schools to not accept her child under these circunstances. I know it's a lot of trouble, but could help. Or not?
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: roger on March 27, 2009, 05:47:56 AM
There is no such thing as an Amber alert here. I would play it safer and take all possible steps to prevent an abduction in trhe first place. Our authoritoies will not becpme educated in the Hague Convention that quoicl.
Title: Re: Question to André Felipe and Roger. Is it possible?
Post by: roger on March 27, 2009, 07:27:07 AM
Quote from: caiqueemateus;14199
One legal question for our lawyers.
 
I remember that when Bruna moved to Rio she asked for the custody in Rio saying that she had an agreement with her husband for the separation (she said the conversation started while she was in USA, right?) and that the child was in a school already.
 
Is it possible that USAMom sends some kind of "awarning" to Brazilian forum, cartórios, Polícia Federal (who else?) in the area where husband family's lives telling that her daughter lives in USA, USA is her local place of residence, any kind of custody negotiation should go in USA, etc., etc., etc...? She could also send letters to schools in the area telling that and awarning schools to not accept her child under these circunstances. I know it's a lot of trouble, but could help. Or not?

I can only guess that no public authority in Brazil will pay attention to warnings, as they are world's greatest specialists in passing on problems to someone else's hands.
 
The only thing I can suggest her is to proactively prevent an abduction while everyone is in the U.S. so that she does not have to worry about anything Brazilian-related.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: sue on March 27, 2009, 11:06:57 AM
You need to listen to Roger and act immediately.   I would be scared to death and I would do whatever it took to see that this did not happen.  See an attorney today.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: dmdaven2 on March 27, 2009, 07:12:45 PM
IF you get a lawyer, have him draft up an ex-parte order stating that your husband cannot leave the state or country with your child, as well as the confiscation of your childs passports. The ex-parte will be granted that day and served upon the defendant...from there...you will have what you need to prevent him from leaving. At that point you'll need to take him to court and settle this out. Gather all your evidence quickly and precisely, that shows indications of his intent to leave. Present this to the judge...and you being a mother...i'm sure you'll get basically full physical custody, and he'll get visitation. THen request that due to the threat of him possibly leaving, that his visitation be supervised...THE ONLY ISSUE is...YOU LIVE WITH HIM! -- However, some steps should still be taken in this direction, as technically the two of you are still married, thus have equal custodianship (<---did i make up a word?)
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: sue on March 27, 2009, 07:56:00 PM
I hope she's okay.  We haven't heard from her today....maybe Tweinstein has spoken with her.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Aida on March 27, 2009, 09:54:51 PM
Quote from: gail;14264
You need to listen to Roger and act immediately. I would be scared to death and I would do whatever it took to see that this did not happen. See an attorney today.

 
You are getting The Best information here to help you. Use it. I hope it all works in your favor!:)
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: Shar on March 27, 2009, 10:05:01 PM
Quote from: gail;14264
You need to listen to Roger and act immediately. I would be scared to death and I would do whatever it took to see that this did not happen. See an attorney today.

Also, please make sure there is no way your husband could go to the Brazilian Consulate and obtain another passport for your daughter. He could say the old one was lost. Please be careful that your name isn't forged on anything!  Keep any papers under lock and key.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: tweinstein on March 28, 2009, 07:19:55 AM
Quote from: gail;14408
I hope she's okay.  We haven't heard from her today....maybe Tweinstein has spoken with her.
I only have her phone number and not email. I'm afraid that if I call on the weekend to ask how she's doing and her husband answers, I could stir up a nest of hornets. In addition, it is obvious that she would not want to be caught posting to this website.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: sue on March 28, 2009, 10:44:30 AM
Quote from: tweinstein;14484
I only have her phone number and not email. I'm afraid that if I call on the weekend to ask how she's doing and her husband answers, I could stir up a nest of hornets. In addition, it is obvious that she would not want to be caught posting to this website.
No it wouldn't be good for you to call.  Does she have your phone number?  I hope she's okay, maybe she will let us know here soon or maybe she will call you.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: sue on March 28, 2009, 10:54:24 AM
Tweinstein, you are lucky that you have such a good relationship with your kids.  I'm glad your ex has allowed that to continue :)
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: USAMom on March 30, 2009, 09:31:56 AM
A BIG THANKS to everyone who took the time to post in response to my inquiry. The stories on here are painful, even excruciating to read, but they are a much-needed antidote to complacency.

I've made several calls today. I can find no legal professionals in my area who handle this particular type of issue.  Looks like I'll have to travel some. My family does not live close enough to help me with babysitting during the week so I am working to find a solution. My daughter definitely cannot attend with me.  

Also, a BIG THANKS to Tweinstein, who very nicely called me last week. Getting his opinions and hearing his experience was very helpful.

Also, thanks to everyone for the private messages and friend requests.  You just don't know how much it all means.  Please keep them coming. It is so helpful to hear from people who are or have been in similar situations.  Again, for so long I was made to believe that I was the oddball and that no one would feel as I did.  It is nice to learn that I am not such an oddball after all.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: rachelle4 on March 30, 2009, 12:08:37 PM
USAMom, I hope you find an attorney and a babysitter. Does she go to preschool? If not, you could enroll her in Vacation Bible School at church to free up some time. Maybe the State Dept or some other website has a listing of attorneys for this situation. You need some of the other LBP's phone numbers to help you as it is not safe for them to be calling you, in case your husband is home. Make sure you clear the history/temp internet files on your computer after visiting this website so your husband doesn't catch you. Stay safe!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: USAMom on March 30, 2009, 01:10:53 PM
Quote from: rachelle4;14793
USAMom, I hope you find an attorney and a babysitter. Does she go to preschool? If not, you could enroll her in Vacation Bible School at church to free up some time. Maybe the State Dept or some other website has a listing of attorneys for this situation. You need some of the other LBP's phone numbers to help you as it is not safe for them to be calling you, in case your husband is home. Make sure you clear the history/temp internet files on your computer after visiting this website so your husband doesn't catch you. Stay safe!

I work but have a flexible schedule and am also what I would consider to be a "stay at home mom". I just got this desktop back after being fixed. It used to be password protected. I forget how to do that so I am going to need to try and find out how to do it.  Thanks for reminding me as this website is all over my computer.  Wish I'd thought of it!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: tweinstein on April 01, 2009, 07:35:17 PM
Just to keep everybody updated, I spoke to USAMom today and she found a very cooperative person at one of the Brazilian consulates. Although he was initially skeptical, she told me that she guided him through this website while on the phone with him. After reading some of the stories, he has taken a personal interest in trying to guide her to do what is necessary to prevent the Brazilian government from issuing a new passport for her daughter. She also spoke to Sean Collins who offered insights learned from his recent experience. I plan on maintaining regular contact with her to monitor the situation.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: dmdaven2 on April 02, 2009, 08:27:31 AM
TIM WEINSTEIN FOR PRESIDENT!!!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: sue on April 02, 2009, 12:39:05 PM
Quote from: tweinstein;15388
Just to keep everybody updated, I spoke to USAMom today and she found a very cooperative person at one of the Brazilian consulates. Although he was initially skeptical, she told me that she guided him through this website while on the phone with him. After reading some of the stories, he has taken a personal interest in trying to guide her to do what is necessary to prevent the Brazilian government from issuing a new passport for her daughter. She also spoke to Sean Collins who offered insights learned from his recent experience. I plan on maintaining regular contact with her to monitor the situation.
I'm glad you're helping her, I've been worried.  I hope she can prevent him from taking her daughter to Brazil.
 
By the way, how are your kids?  And when will you being seeing them again?
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: tweinstein on April 02, 2009, 03:32:54 PM
Quote from: gail;15492
I'm glad you're helping her, I've been worried.  I hope she can prevent him from taking her daughter to Brazil.
 
By the way, how are your kids?  And when will you being seeing them again?
They are good. Today is my son's 11th birthday. I actually spoke to him at 5:00 AM today (before he left for school in Brazil) since I won't be able to call him at the usual time (today is teacher conference day and by the time I get home he will be sleeping). He actually asked when I will be coming next and I told him that if the judge hasn't decided by June or July, I'll be there.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: sue on April 02, 2009, 05:52:47 PM
Quote from: tweinstein;15512
They are good. Today is my son's 11th birthday. I actually spoke to him at 5:00 AM today (before he left for school in Brazil) since I won't be able to call him at the usual time (today is teacher conference day and by the time I get home he will be sleeping). He actually asked when I will be coming next and I told him that if the judge hasn't decided by June or July, I'll be there.
Well that must be hard.  At least you did get to talk to him, but it would be nice to be with him?  I hope this gets resolved soon for you.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: rachelle4 on April 07, 2009, 11:50:49 AM
Any word on USAMom? I hope she is ok.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: tweinstein on April 07, 2009, 08:41:35 PM
If she doesn't post anything in the next two days, I'll call her on Friday to follow-up.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: buckeye on April 16, 2009, 04:28:39 PM
Hi.   I have been reading the site for a while, but just now joined.  I was wondering if you had any updates on USAMom?
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: meg3325 on April 16, 2009, 04:58:57 PM
To USA Mom:

My goodness.  It's a good thing you learned about the Sean Goldman abduction case.  Do what you have to do protect yourself and your daughter.  Get good legal counsel and don't let your husband push you around.  Whatever your husband says to you, he doesn't "own" you.  I know it's difficult to be strong in a tough situation likes yours, but it's essential.  Make sure you document everything and have things in writing.  If he leaves messages on your answering machine, save it for evidence if you have to sue him.  I wish you the best of luck.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: heatheram29 on April 16, 2009, 05:05:16 PM
Quote from: tweinstein;16341
If she doesn't post anything in the next two days, I'll call her on Friday to follow-up.

Any news from USAMom? Last post was 3/30.. :conf:
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: tweinstein on April 16, 2009, 06:33:37 PM
I tried calling on three separate occasions this week and the phone only rings. Even if there was an answering machine, I would not leave a message, for fear of her husband accusing her of cheating. I'll keep trying.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: heatheram29 on April 17, 2009, 07:12:06 PM
Quote from: tweinstein;18023
I tried calling on three separate occasions this week and the phone only rings. Even if there was an answering machine, I would not leave a message, for fear of her husband accusing her of cheating. I'll keep trying.

That's not good.. I hope everything is okay
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce and to soon travel with our daughter to Brasil).
Post by: buckeye on April 22, 2009, 04:14:02 PM
Quote from: tweinstein;18023
I tried calling on three separate occasions this week and the phone only rings. Even if there was an answering machine, I would not leave a message, for fear of her husband accusing her of cheating. I'll keep trying.

Hi.  Any word on USAmom?
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told m
Post by: tweinstein on April 24, 2009, 09:15:22 PM
Same thing yesterday and today. I called and no answer.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told m
Post by: buckeye on April 27, 2009, 10:52:28 AM
Quote from: tweinstein;19544
Same thing yesterday and today. I called and no answer.

I don't think that is good.  Thanks for checking.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told m
Post by: Bree on January 07, 2010, 12:01:00 AM
Quote from: tweinstein;18023
I tried calling on three separate occasions this week and the phone only rings. Even if there was an answering machine, I would not leave a message, for fear of her husband accusing her of cheating. I'll keep trying.

Quote from: tweinstein;19544
Same thing yesterday and today. I called and no answer.

Tim - were you able to contact her?  The last post was many months ago.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told m
Post by: tweinstein on January 07, 2010, 06:17:12 AM
I eventually gave up.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told m
Post by: GittaCooper on January 10, 2010, 04:15:48 PM
Dear USAMom,
 
I born in Brazil and today i am a proud American citizen.
Do the impossible to not allow your child to go abroud with him. Your husband's father friediship, ramifications and knowledge of law will make quite impossible for you to get her back!!!
From what i understand about some brazilians, their arrogance (as the Bianchi/Lins e Silva in Brazil) and the red flags that you told about you situation, i woul be very worried!!!
 
I also want to let you know that there are many like me, who would never take way from our childrens their hight to have a Father/Mother. No matter what between we as a cople.
A child needs, dreams and happyness come first!!!
 
GOD bless, protect, guide you and you baby!!
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told m
Post by: braziliandad on January 21, 2010, 04:24:17 PM
Listen to roger, he is right.
 
What you are describing shows A LOT of red flags. You need to get custody of your child asap, because you are not paranoid in the least, he seems to be arranging everything so that leaving will be an easy deal.
 
I hope you're not a co-signer for his student loans, because if you are you'll be liable for those once he is gone. Actually, you might still be liable if you don't get at least established your separation before he leaves.
 
As far as similar experiences, I want to be clear that though what you are describing as far as lazyness-due-to-servants is more common than should be, not all Brazilians are averse to work. Generally, we are considered the hardest working students in masters/phd programs. That said, in order to get to a phd program here, you need to show the kind of drive and determination that is not usually connected with lazyness around the house.
 
You don't mention where you live, but depending on what county you live in, a stay of travel might be automatic for your daughter, but you'd still need a court order stopping travel to get that enforced in an airport. the difficulty is that it's super hard to stop someone from doing something legal (travelling) because there is a chance that they will do something illegal.
 
Good luck.
Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce
Post by: wicasa on February 23, 2022, 09:57:38 AM
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Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce
Post by: wicasa on March 04, 2022, 10:30:47 AM
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Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce
Post by: wicasa on June 01, 2022, 10:17:24 PM
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Title: Re: I am an American citizen and married to a Brasilian man (who has just told me he wants a divorce
Post by: wicasa on July 10, 2022, 08:50:12 PM
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